July 17, 2006
"And Then She Got Really Angry."
Well now, I knew this girl. It's true she had read
Sophocles in a fairly good translation
And caught that bitter allusion to the sea,
But all the time he was talking she had in mind
The notion of what his whiskers would feel like
On the back of her neck . . . ."
From "The Dover Bitch," by Anthony Hecht—in which Matthew Arnold doesn't really come off all that well if you want to know the truth about it
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July 16, 2006
What I Do on Those Occasions When Women Seem to Really Fucking Hate Me.
Option 1: I try to have compassion for them.
Option 2: With every action I take, I assert the notion that I'm smarter than they are, and better-looking. That both men and women desire me beyond all belief. That I'm creative, and that my erstwhile blue-collar family has managed to put together a shitload of money.
As I get older, I seem to be able to take the high road more and more. But I don't do it every time.
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1
compassion is overrated.
much overrated.
Posted by: tommy at July 16, 2006 07:07 PM (QNTS5)
2
Or just enjoy the moment ;-)
Maybe stem cell transplants can one day help with that contentment gene. I'm sure our National Health Plan will cover it by then...
Posted by: Darrell at July 16, 2006 08:44 PM (4oLzJ)
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The High Road is the one less traveled.
Posted by: clyde at July 17, 2006 10:48 AM (6m+7s)
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Always. Thank you, Mr. Frost.
Posted by: Attila Girl at July 17, 2006 09:45 PM (4IuF2)
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How did you recognize me behind my pseudonym? Maybe I'd better change it to something a little more obfuscating, like "Cold Feet". That works. Now, where are those wool socks....
Posted by: clyde at July 18, 2006 02:58 AM (6m+7s)
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July 15, 2006
My Mother's Prius
. . . arrived Thursday.
Okay: so it looks like a miniature hump-backed whale. On a certain level, however, you must admit that there's something charming about a car without a GPS system that nonetheless includes a screeen—through which one controls the AC and the stereo, and gains all kinds of handy-dandy information.
I insisted she get the one with the iPod jack. In case, um, she ever gets an iPod.
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The Prius looks better when you're inside it.
Close your eyes when it approaches and you'll do fine.
Posted by: clyde at July 17, 2006 10:50 AM (6m+7s)
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July 14, 2006
Happy Bastille Day.
Try not to, um . . . keep your wits about you, okay?
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1
On Tuesday, July 11, national chair of Americans for Dr. Rice appeared on Fox and Friends. They flew her to NY for the show. If you missed it, the video is at:
www.4condi.com
Also, it was ironic that CNN played footage from the CPAC event in Washington DC where Jessie Jane Duff was interviewed.
Imagine that CNN watched Fox in the morning and thought, "Hmmm, maybe we need to look at that DRAFT CONDI group again". There video appeared later in the day, July 11, and played twice. CNN is watched worldwide and the Condi for President story has been buzzing for the past 5 days. AP news, cable news, web chats. So I came to give you an update.
Posted by: Debbie Watson at July 15, 2006 06:48 AM (y6n8O)
Posted by: clyde at July 16, 2006 02:13 AM (6m+7s)
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July 13, 2006
So, I Took the Re-Write of Chapter One to My Crit Group.
They weren't nearly as thrilled by it as I had been.
A few of them actually thought some improvements could be made to it.
I'm left with one possible conclusion: MY WRITING GROUP IS TEH SUXXOR!
Time to get with people that appreciate my genius. This is the litmus test: when I read, do people fall down on their knees? If not, I'm taking my manuscript and going home.
I mean it.
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1
For my two cents' worth, quit asking for other's opinions. YOU are the writer, if YOU like it, that's all that matters. It's far easier to criticize than write, which is why critics are a dime a dozen. Besides, opinions are like assholes. Everyone has one. Do the best you can do, get your manuscript to the point that YOU like it, then send it off. See what happens in the world of publishing finance. One other tip: celebratory champagne comes cheaper by the case.
Posted by: clyde at July 14, 2006 05:30 AM (6m+7s)
2
People are funny, but not always in the humorous way. Fellow writers are your competitors. Many see their role as pissing on your flame. That way their light seems all the brighter. Succeed and they'll be around hoping you don't remember. Until then, they take notes, making your ideas their own. Later they swear that they "just can't remember" where they came up with such brilliant ideas! Please yourself and you'll never go wrong! Now shine!
Posted by: Darrell at July 14, 2006 08:04 AM (/4p+s)
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Awww . . . thanks.
But [hangs her head] they did have a couple of good points.
Posted by: Attila Girl at July 14, 2006 08:08 AM (4IuF2)
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I agree with Darrell. There is something to the idea of asking READERS, not writers, what they think.
(back to lurk mode.)
Posted by: Carin at July 14, 2006 09:12 AM (j5dML)
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You might want to consider pouting. The wife says she'll be glad to teach you. She says that if you pout, all of your critics will come around.
I'm inclined to disagree, but if I did, she might pout.
Posted by: Kevin at July 14, 2006 04:26 PM (++0ve)
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They always have a couple of good points!
That's what makes them such insidious and dangerous bastards! Do you think that Hammett and Chandler DIDN"T have people suggesting little changes to "make it so much better"? Hmmm? Human beings always want to tinker with brilliance. That's the motivation for the next great work. Until then, a smile or a one-handed pump of the old twelve-gauge is all you need. And a publisher. Keep that 12-ga handy.
Posted by: Darrell at July 14, 2006 08:27 PM (tS1pt)
7
I am not sure what you are writing, but the first important distinction is whether it is for your own eyes, or a commercial effort. In the later case, you need an agent to place the manuscript with a publisher and the work will be shaped by editors. For this you need a strong stomach and a thick skin. Rejections are a dime a dozen and acceptance is difficult.
If this effort is somethint you are not hell bent on turning a buck, not to be crass, a vanity press effort, all you need is a reasonably educated reader whose judgement you respect. If technical, someone who can fact check is essential. Avoid pointy-headed lit-crit types, as they are mostly writer wannabees stuck in academia. Good luck.
Posted by: Mark at July 15, 2006 07:42 AM (isTfo)
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I hope you can find a better group
Posted by: jr at July 15, 2006 12:16 PM (y6n8O)
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In my experience, I've only found two agents that had a clue about content. So far, no editors I've run across seem to have that trait. Keep in mind: to "edit" means to take away.
Posted by: clyde at July 16, 2006 02:19 AM (6m+7s)
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July 11, 2006
"What Is This Pirates of the Caribbean Craze?"
Hog asks.
"Two words," I reply. "Johnny Depp."
"I can understand that," he tells me. "He is hot."
"And two more words: Orlando Bloom."
"He doesn't do it for me. All he gets is a sort of mercy hard-on. With Johnny, it's 45 degrees. But not in a gay way, mind you."
"Understood."
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So I'm on the Cell Phone with Hog Beatty
. . . who's walking around the Promenade in Santa Monica.
Suddenly: "Lord have mercy," he exclaims. "I've got to go."
He calls me ten minutes later. "That must have been fast work," I tell him. "Did you get a phone number?"
"There were three of them. They were just like walking truffles. But I had to go because a colleague of mine called at that moment. He's married, and when I described what I was looking at he accused me of trying to get him in trouble."
"That would imply you were willing to share," I remark.
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I was on the promenade at Santa Monica once, and tried unsuccessfully to do the two things in life you can't do simultaneously: roller skate and eat a hot dog. A mess was made. Luckily, everyone was watching the passing truffles and no one noticed my wheeled faux pas.
Posted by: clyde at July 12, 2006 02:31 AM (6m+7s)
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Hmmm, I thought it was pigs who searched for truffles. Not that I have much to do with pigs, even the human variety.
Posted by: Attila (Pillage Idiot) at July 12, 2006 03:37 PM (ZaM5Y)
3
Some guys just can't handle summer sportswear; it's a very human failing. As long as they know women are really people underneath the sex appeal, I usually laugh and move on.
Posted by: Attila Girl at July 12, 2006 03:54 PM (a7n4N)
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With a Hat Tip to Erica Jong
I'm starting to think that the world is obsessed with finishing its crime novel. Sure, people talk about other stuff. But what they're really wondering is how many chapters one can spend wrapping up loose ends after the final revelation, without it all becoming tedious, a la that horrible movie
AI.
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July 09, 2006
Thanks, Darrell.
The tank top fits perfectly. I put it on when we got back from mass, and I've been wearing it all day. Attila the Hub got a pic, which I'll send you once it's downloaded.
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Your welcome! How very sweet of you to let everyone know! I was worried that both companies would let you down. Was it delivered on Sunday? I guess they weren't kidding about that estimated date. We don't have that in Chicago.
You've done it now! Now everyone will flood your home with goodies expecting the same treatment! Why you might even need a bigger home to hold it all...On second thought, that's not a bad thing is it?
Be careful with a white top and a flash! I wouldn't want to be tempted to put it on Ebay for hundreds of thousands of dollars...More principled characters than I have succumb to those temptations(see http://www.illwillpress.com/vault.html Row 2, Number 4 "Unmentionable Auctions"...Plus there are those underage concerns given you won't be there with your drivers license and all when the police seize my hard drive...
Now I could kick myself for not sending the Toyota Avalon XL. Well, there's always next year!
Posted by: Darrell at July 10, 2006 07:53 PM (1Snz2)
2
It was here on Saturday, so I was able to wash it to get rid of that "new shirt" cottoney smell and wear it on Sunday.
It's perfect! At least, from my POV, which means the fabric could be too thick from your POV. But at least this way you stay out of jail, so there's that.
Posted by: Attila Girl at July 10, 2006 09:43 PM (4IuF2)
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My Brother Calls Today.
I tell him I'm working on the manuscript of my crime novel.
"How far along are you?" he asks.
"I have a five-chapter gap. There's just this spot in the middle where I've got 'em outlined a little, but it's very vague. I feel like I've got nothin.'"
"Five out of how many?"
"It looks like 25 at this point."
Pause. My little sister might actually pull this thing off.
"Send it to me when you've finished the draft," he finally says. So I got another beta tester lined up.
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At Ralph's
. . . the young checkers are joking about the middle-aged. I can't help but smile. The clerk with the pierced nose looks up and says, "we couldn't be talking about you; you can't be more than 25 years old."
"Forty-four," I tell him.
"She's lying," he remarks to the boxboy.
"You want to see my ID? It's forty-four today," I respond.
The 50-ish man behind me says, "really? It's my birthday, too."
"July people rawk," I tell him. And I smile.
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They allow tipping at Ralph's?
And pick-up lines?
I wonder if Sharon Stone still shops there...:-)
Posted by: Darrell at July 09, 2006 07:39 PM (dDfEG)
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"July people rawk," I tell him. And I smile
#4 Siobhan turned 19 yesterday, #2 Erin (mom o'twins) turns 25 Wednesday.
Yep, I'd say it rocks!
Happy happy b-day, AG!!
Posted by: Darleen at July 09, 2006 08:18 PM (rvX7J)
Posted by: k at July 09, 2006 08:24 PM (wZLWV)
4
Thank you. I know a lot of July people. In high school we were all divisible by three--except for my friend J, whose birthday was the 13th.
My half-sister was born on the 25th, a decade or so after I was.
Posted by: Attila Girl at July 09, 2006 08:56 PM (4IuF2)
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43 on the 21st. July people indeed.
Posted by: Desert Cat at July 09, 2006 09:06 PM (xdX36)
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Happy Birthday to you. Etc. The gift got lost in the mail. Or was that the check? Hmm. Let me look. I was planning on sending you a dozen cats via FedEx, but somehow they wandered away...
Probably in search of a plot for your book.
Posted by: clyde at July 10, 2006 01:09 AM (6m+7s)
Posted by: Attila Girl at July 10, 2006 01:24 AM (4IuF2)
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One question: Exactly WHERE are you located in the United States, since every post I put up is backdated 4 hours. Guam? Hawaii? Tokyo? Just curious. No way am I EVER up at 1:30 AM.
Posted by: clyde at July 10, 2006 04:54 AM (6m+7s)
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For example, it's 8:54 AM here in North Carolina, not 4:54 like your post says it is.
Posted by: clyde at July 10, 2006 04:55 AM (6m+7s)
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There should only be a three-hour difference. I'm in California, in the good old, God-fearing Pacific Time Zone.
Posted by: Attila Girl at July 10, 2006 05:22 AM (4IuF2)
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kmom? July 13. Friday the 13th, it was.
First ex-husband: July...26, I think.
Babycat: Right around DC's date. It was in 1984. If someone knows how to find the calendar for 1984, it would be on the Monday or Tuesday of that week.
I can narrow it down more, I think, with my old college transcript. I was groggy during my Philosophy class, due to my all-night midwifery, and that class was on a Monday or Tuesday. Monday, I think.
Posted by: k at July 10, 2006 08:34 PM (wZLWV)
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July 1984
S..M..T..W..TH..F..S
1..2..3...4...5...6..7
...........ETC..........
Ignore those periods--there for placekeeping with LMA's system.
Posted by: Darrell at July 12, 2006 07:54 AM (vSCzm)
13
Thanks Darrell! It looks like my Babycat was born on the 23rd. Two days after DC's b-day.
Hm. I may even pull out that transcript and double check.
Posted by: k at July 14, 2006 06:52 PM (wZLWV)
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July 06, 2006
"It's All Too Much
. . . for me to take."
(I mean that in the good way.)
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Oh. yes, the good way! Any more clues?
I remind you that Edna St. Vincent Millay once wrote "a macaroon,--I cannot _live_ without a macaroon!"
Posted by: Darrell at July 06, 2006 12:18 PM (dJGMN)
2
Yeah, and Gertrude Stein said once of Oakland, California: "There's no there there". At least I think it was Stein. Sounds about there, anyway.
Posted by: clyde at July 06, 2006 03:06 PM (6m+7s)
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July 05, 2006
"Remember That Dragonfly You Saw?"
"Well," I tell him, "I'm not positive it was a dragonfly. But I knew my mother was wrong, and it was no hummingbird."
"It was a bat," he replies. "I saw it sleeping in the garage."
"Another predator?" I ask. "That rawks."
"It's a nice supplement to the owls."
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I didn't like bats until one night in a far off land when I was walking along swatting at mosquitos and a couple of bats swooped down at me (and scared me half to death) - but I noticed that afterwards I wasn't swatting at mosquitos...
Now I like bats.
Posted by: Kathy K at July 06, 2006 05:43 PM (SSiS4)
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July 03, 2006
You Know How I Hate To Play the Birthday Card . . .
But I'm turning 44 this coming Sunday; that's a hell of a caliber.
Attila Girl's Wish List
Joy's Wish List
If you really love me, however, you'll buy a Platinum/Gold blogad.
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"Yeah; I Know What You're Going to Say . . .
'If you're so smart, why aren't you poor?'"
—adapted from 1000 Clowns
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