I got an e-mail today from a friend, who wrote:

Read your piece on AA. I once had a friend (a very closeted gay) who
took me to an AA meeting, he said it was a good place to "pick up easy
wimmin." Not really interested, but I went along for the ride. Lots of
seriously fucked up people at AA. And I can't get excited about chain smoking
and I really can't get interested in seeking casual sex, so I never went
back.

The alcoholism is just a manifestation of a deep unhappiness. I have
been unhappy and depressed in my life, but getting drunk never helped so I
never became an alcoholic.

There's something to that last point: it seems that there are a lot of chronically depressed people who would self-medicate if any medicine they tried ever worked. In this, the addict or alcoholic is particularly lucky in the short-term--but, of course, quite unlucky in the long-term.

Hm. There wasn't too much smoking at the meetings I attended, back in the day. And there have always been plenty of nonsmoking meetings in Southern California. And I don't remember any casual sex at all. I'd hope I would, too.

Posted by: Attila at 10:54 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 213 words, total size 1 kb.

I went to my first meeting of CLA last night. (Yes. Clutterers Anonymous. Sigh. It is not yet true that there is a 12-Step program for every unattractive human habit, but we may get there some day.)

It was a tiny group of people in a little room in a church, and the meeting began 15 minutes late. Keep in mind that I'm used to DA meetings, which start strictly on time and use timers to keep the speaker and everyone who shares precisely on track. (Speakers get 15 minutes: no more and no less. Sharing is confined to three minutes per person. In DA we're strict and clear about time, just as we strive to be strict and clear about money.)

There is this odd thing about clutterers getting together, whether in CLA or in DA meetings that focus on clutter: the rooms are always small. The surroundings never feel abundant. This partly reflects the fact that CLA is one of the smallest 12-step groups out there, and partly reflects our willingness to confine ourselves to small spaces. My den, for example, tends to consist of a little path from the door to my computer, with the rest of the floor covered in books, papers, and magazines. (Do you remember those films they used to show pre-teens at school to explain menstruation?--the visual of the uterus, and how its lining would grow and grow until there was nearly no room left? That's what happens to my personal spaces: the walls start to close in as the piles of paper creep inward toward the middle of each room. This is in fact a good way for a uterus to behave--but not so much for a house.)

Everyone at this meeting was homely and at least a little overweight. I didn't fit in, or at least I sort of hoped (on some level) that I didn't.

I will probably go back. Because 1) "no contempt prior to investigation," and 2) for all I know, this isn't about my getting. It might well be about me giving. There could someone I might be able to help by going there. It's possible, and I need to check it out thoroughly.
more...

Posted by: Attila at 10:40 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 491 words, total size 3 kb.

Dean Esmay continues to discuss his journey along the road of abstinence from alchohol. His entry contains a mini-roundup of groups like Rational Recovery, Moderation Management, Women for Sobriety, and other alternatives to Alcoholics Anonymous. I wish him luck.

My journey is a little strange: I was in AA for 11 years, and decided to quit the program in January of 2002, when I worked at the food magazine (I wanted to drink red wine with pasta, and have the occasional martini or Manhattan). Since that time I've entered another 12-Step program--this one dealing with compulsive financial mismanagement and confusion about money (Debtors Anonymous).

You might say I found a way to keep the steps and the booze. You might.

I don't mind the "spiritual" aspect of AA, since it is so free-form (really the opposite of a cult, if you ask me). I know there are a lot of meetings dominated by cranky oldtimers who are full of rules that appear nowhere in the Big Book of Alchoholics Anonymous. I always avoided those types of meetings. For what it's worth, there are a lot of meetings of all different flavors out there. It spans the breadth of humanity. Remember what they say: "all you really need to start your own group is a resentment and a coffee pot." My way of saying, don't write AA off too quickly. Keep looking for that Right Meeting that feels comfortable to you.

I like the idea of Women for Sobriety, since there are definitely a lot of men in AA who either 1) are on the make, and/or 2) have a deep, undying hatred of females. I've never gone to their meetings, though, so I can't vouch for it.

I also think it's worth noting that my DA groups include plenty of AA members. (Perhaps half of us are in other 12-Step programs of one kind or another.) A lot of my friends remark that they go to AA meetings, but experience more recovery in DA. I think that may be because AA comprises more "biological addicts," and there's simply less to discuss about a problem like that versus something like dealing with money or food, which clearly touches all aspects of one's life (and cannot be sworn off of, either, as with alcohol). Or maybe it's chemistry--you find the right group or program, and it "clicks." (Am I using biased information from biased individuals to make sweeping generalizations? Yup.)

I'm definitely in the pragmatist camp. Whatever works for any given individual is the right thing for him/her to do.

This may not even be my last 12-Step group, as I'm contemplating joining Clutterer's Anonymous. (Does anyone know how they define sobriety/abstinence? I sometimes wonder if it means living in a home that doesn't contain horizontal surfaces upon which to pile paper, magazines, files, and Clothing That Needs Mending. I fantasize that they'll advise me to sleep in a hammock under the tree in my backyard, and I'm not positive I want to do that, because it gets cold up here on this ridge.)

Just wait for the group to join that addresses addiction to the web in general, or blogging in particular. I won't go, though. Because I can quit anytime I want.

Posted by: Attila at 08:32 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
Post contains 550 words, total size 3 kb.