And what's not to like?

You know how chicks are: we like a guy who can take charge. Until it gets boring, of course. Then we ignore him.

Honestly: I had no idea the debate on how I construct my mother's patio would get this heated.

I'm thinking of doing something like this, only a bit larger, and perhaps using mortar around the edges as well as for the center paver (which I'll buy separately, of course). Which means, Darrell, that we will have to forego wearing high heels in the backyard: Sunset is very explicit on that point.

Therefore: everyone is right, and we can all stop bickering about bricks.

Posted by: Attila Girl at 02:17 PM | Comments (13) | Add Comment
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1 Yes, but you have to make sure that the mortared edge bricks are set on a proper ringwall foundation cast to at least 6 inches below the local frost line, or in areas without frost, at least 18 inches deep. Said ringwall must be a minimum of 12 inches thick. You will need to get soil tests done by a competent geotechnical testing firm to determine the bearing capacity of your soil and ensure that your total live loads and dead loads (times their appropriate Factor of Safety) does not exceed the soil bearing capacity. Said ringwall must be Class S concrete of minimum 2500 psi compressive strength, with #4 rebar placed at the midpoint in both directions, 12" on center. Lap the rebar joints a minimum of 24 inches. When the cement arrives on the job site, be sure to have your geotechnical testing firm collect a minimum of five concrete cylinders for testing purposes--one at three days, one at seven days, three at twenty-eight days and one held in reserve. If the minimum compressive strength is not met at 28 days, the concrete must be jackhammered out and new concrete poured. Of course to do it *right*, you then need to excavate all of the soil within that ringwall scarify the soil at the bottom and recompact it to a minimum of 95% of the maximum density, while ensuring that the moisture content is within 3% of optimal. Then you will need to bring in aggregate base course (ABC) and backfill the area within the ringwall in lifts of no more than six inches, again compacting to minimum 95% of maximum density. The final lift must be compacted to 100% maximum density, and graded to have a 1% slope from the center out toward the edge of the ringwall foundation. Now you can begin setting bricks. Prior to accepting your first load of bricks, a submittal should be required consisting of complete engineering design and testing data and a Certificate of Compliance from the manufacturer verifying that all applicable ASTM standards have been met. Do not accept any shipments until at least three iterations of submittals, rejections and resubmittals has been completed. You want to make sure you're getting the *right* product after all. Brick setting may now commence in accordance with the article instructions, although you must ensure that the bricks are laid in strict accordance with the standards developed by the National Joint Bricklaying Apprenticeship and Training Committee, the International Union of Bricklayers and Allied Craftsmen, the Mason Contractors Association of America, the International Building Code and any applicable local ordinances. Frankly I have some serious doubts as to whether the instructions in that article would even get you close... Now, go have fun!

Posted by: Desert Cat at May 16, 2007 08:40 PM (ogl5V)

2 Y'know I left out *so-o* much that is crucially important in that post. Honestly, I think about fifty pages of specifications minimum, plus about a five-page plan set would be required to lay out exactly how to do this job right. As we've been told, anything short of that is just not worth doing. I could work up a set of plans and specs for you for about $15,000. Unfortunately I'm not registered in California.

Posted by: Desert Cat at May 16, 2007 08:51 PM (ogl5V)

3 Plus on-site Resident Engineer services if you should choose. Oh, and that price is net of third-party services such as testing labs, reproductions, submittal fees, and other direct and incidental expenses.

Posted by: Desert Cat at May 16, 2007 08:54 PM (ogl5V)

4 Because if I don't have the time to do it right, how will I ever find the time to do it over?

Posted by: Attila Girl at May 17, 2007 02:26 AM (3F7vn)

5 Camilla Paglia laughed. Go figure! And they say feminists don't have a sense of humor! Maybe in the spirit of openness and honesty you can mention that I sent that toon to you Sunday night. Would a chauvinist really see the parody? But how could one tell that it was made in jest? Being a toon could be a hint. And in that same spirit I should mention that a filched it from Blazing Cat Fur Blog--in case anyone is keeping track. Men figure out pretty early in life that women don't "need" them. And if they miss the point, you can rest assured that a woman will be there to tell them. And remind them again and again and again. Like most of the best arguments, it started when someone inferred what was never implied and written. It was never about art versus engineering. Everyone that builds knows it's all art. That's why carpenters use moldings that serve no purpose other than aesthetics, and all the artist's tricks of balance, form and symmetry. Some artists use dryer lint for their medium, some stainless steel. It's all art. Except to elitists. . . It was not about old versus new, or unique versus "cookie-cutter" boring sameness either. I did mention that if I needed to start building the project and I had to buy what I needed, I would use pavers for something designed to be walked on, not bricks, meant for walls and vertical applications.. But we all know that pavers are also made from clay, too, and that antique or faux-antique pavers have just as much charm and individuality and uniqueness as any brick ever made. More so even because of the firing times. For the genuine antiques, you have all that color variation and surface distortions that came from the pine tars and resins they used when firing. And the other poisonous and toxic impurities they used to add until the EPA put a stop to that in the early 70's. Wonder if someone told those characters straight out of "The Green Mile" that make the St. Joe brick that k told us about? It was not that pavers have to be split, making them half-thickness. We know that contractors do that to halve their materials cost, especially in freeze-thaw safe climates. And we know that if there is still a market for a product, someone will still make it. At least until capitalism is takes its last breath. If you look around, you can find what you're looking for. Even in home centers. Along with everything else you need to complete your project. Always a good place to start, and a safe place to recommend for the do-it-yourselfer. Yes, DC, that's exactly like the conversation went! Too bad the original is in the archive and readers can judge for themselves who was reasonable. And who wasn't. And who read what was actually written before making a comment. It'll take more than this post to lose my support, LMA, because that support and appreciation is given freely and unconditionally-- like all my other generosities. You can even support others over me that have no leg to stand on in their arguments. Or their "outrage." It's all conversation. We agree sometimes. We disagree. Whatever. We sometimes take something away from the discussion. Like roof racks that turn into spoilers. We can use what we read whenever we please. Or not.

Posted by: Darrell at May 17, 2007 11:00 AM (qj3Dj)

6 It did occur to me a few hours after I posted that that I didn't make it clear you'd sent me the cartoon. I thought it was funny as hell: that's why I posted it. I loved it. But what's really, really funny is that my three most devoted readers are all as passionate about dry masonry as they are about politics. Frankly, I think it's kind of cool. Though if I pull this project off, I think you'll all be so proud of me you'll forget to ask about the exact specs. Or to care quite as much as you do now. Remember: this is just the starter patio, in the backyard. There's still some decking/patio needed on the side yard, and that one will have to be done more carefully, because I suspect it'll get more traffic than the one I'm contemplating doing first. Over and out.

Posted by: Attila Girl at May 17, 2007 11:32 AM (3F7vn)

7 Great! I'll dig up the ASTM specifications right now. . . There are two specifications for clay paving brick. ASTM C902 outlines the requirements for Pedestrian and Light Traffic paving brick and ASTM C1272 covers brick pavers for Heavy Vehicular Traffic uses. Within each specification there are minimum compressive strengths: • C902 requires 8,000 psi • C1272 requires 8,000 psi for pavers set on a concrete or bituminous bed (Type R) or 10,000 psi for pavers set on a sand bed (Type F) For Vehicular C1272 pavers there are minimum thickness depending on the application: • For pavers set on a bituminous or rigid setting bed (Type R) pavers must be at least 2 1/4 inches thick • For pavers set on a sand setting bed (Type F) pavers must be at least 2 5/8 inches thick. Clay pavers shrink during the firing process so both specifications outline permissible dimensional tolerances for particular applications: • Application PS – Pavers for general use – permits +/- 3/16 inch on paver dimensions of 3-5 inches and +/- _ inch on dimensions of 5-8 inches • Application PX – Pavers for use where exceptionally tight tolerances are required – permits +/- 3/32 on paver dimensions of 3-5 inches and +/- 1/8 on dimensions of 5-8 inches. The high firing process that produces fired-clay paving brick produces slight inconsistencies within each brick. Limited amounts of chipping and cracking are inherent in the brick making process. As such specifications C902 and C1272 outline requirements of tolerable inconsistencies. Brick pavers ‘shall be free of cracks or other imperfections detracting from the appearance of a designated sample when viewed from a distance of 15 feet for Application PX and a distance of 20 feet for Application PS.’ A delivery of brick shall contain not more than 5% brick that do not meet the dimensional and chipping requirements, unless otherwise agreed upon by the buyer PART 1 - GENERAL 1.1 DESCRIPTION The requirements for brick pavers that may be set in sand, bituminous setting bed, or rigid concrete are specified in this section. 1.2 SUBMITTALS A. SAMPLES: Five individual samples of each brick color and/or texture showing normal and extreme variations in color or texture. B. CERTIFICATIONS: Submit certifications that all brick pavers will meet or exceed designated specifications. C. QUALIFICATIONS OF INSTALLER: 1. Installer shall have a minimum of five years experience. 2. Installer shall submit for approval, a list of projects similar in nature and size that establishes his/her ability to complete this project. A resume for the project-superintendent should be submitted to establish his/her ability to complete the project. If for any reason, the qualifications are not acceptable, work shall not commence until an acceptable installer is found. PART 2 - PRODUCTS 2.1 MATERIALS A. Clay brick pavers to be manufactured by a registered manufacturer. B. Pavers may be chamfered and lugged or square edge without lugs. Finish may be smooth or textured. C. PAVING BRICK IN PEDESTRIAN/LIGHT TRAFFIC AREAS: 1. True 4x8x2-1/4 as per ASTM C 902 Class SX, Type 1 Application PS, 8000 minimum PSI, 6% maximum average absorption. 2. Slip resistance shall be tested in general accordance with ASTM C 1028-96, standard test method for determining the static coefficient of friction of ceramic tile and other like surfaces by the horizontal dynamometer pull-meter test. Minimum static coefficient of friction shall be .60 for wet and .70 for dry. D. PAVING BRICK FOR HEAVY VEHICULAR TRAFFIC: 1. True 4x8x3 as per ASTM C 1272, Application PX, 8,000 PSI minimum, average compressive strength, 6% maximum absorption. 2. Slip resistance same as LIGHT TYPE R. E. COLOR AND TEXTURE TO BE SELECTED BY THE OWNER’S REP. PART 3 - EXECUTION 3.1 ALLOWABLE TOLERANCES A. Joint widths to be no greater than 5/32 of an inch and not less than 1/16 of an inch. B. Pavers shall not be touching each other unless they have spacing bars. 3.2 JOINT TREATMENTS A. Sweep dry sand, cement or polmyric sand into the joints after the pavers have been set in place until joints are flush with top surface. Fog lightly with water. Repeat process until the joints are full. 3.3 LEVELING A. Protect newly laid pavers with plywood or carpeting as the work progresses. If mechanical compaction is required, you must protect the surface to avoid chipping. See? Just like all my other comments! P.S. I would use the flexible retainers and aluminum stakes for the perimeter of my patio that they sell in home centers. It's easier than mortar and it will last a lot longer. It'll be invisible, too, once the grass grows around it. The other advice in Sunset I agree with. How could I not? It's a lot like what I said.

Posted by: Darrell at May 17, 2007 02:01 PM (fXTKw)

8 Did you say "bituminous"?

Posted by: Attila Girl at May 17, 2007 02:29 PM (3F7vn)

9 Yes, DC, that's exactly like the conversation went! Hey hey now I didn't say that. I'm just contributing my engineering expertise to a proper solution to the problem at hand. Let's be careful not to infer what was never implied and written.

Posted by: Desert Cat at May 17, 2007 04:19 PM (B2X7i)

10 Don't make me stop this car!

Posted by: Attila Girl at May 17, 2007 07:00 PM (3F7vn)

11 Do you say asphalt instead? Necessary if you decide to "paver" your main thoroughfare. When engineers fight, no one dives under the tables.

Posted by: Darrell at May 17, 2007 07:40 PM (Pgd9e)

12 Could be worse: I've heard computer programmers squabble, and it's worse.

Posted by: Attila Girl at May 18, 2007 12:35 PM (3F7vn)

13 Confession time: I have been laughing about this all weekend.

Posted by: Desert Cat at May 20, 2007 10:03 PM (ogl5V)

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I thought I'd get a tarp that's about the right size, and we could test it to make sure we can fit enough chairs into it for the mom, me, and three other people. (There can be satellite seating for larger gatherings, but I figured I'd start out with the husband, the mom, two cousins, and one dog zooming around.)

I'd like to do this in early July, when a few of the cousins will be in town. (Unfortunately, it's the teaching contingent, rather than the lumber-supply contingent, so I'll still be taking the lead. Still, a few more pairs of hands won't hurt.)

But for right now the paths really need attention: I actually swept them off the other day, despite them being bare dirt. That got some of the fence-building debris and dog toys out of the way. But allergic people don't have any business breathing any more dirt in than absolutely necessary. We'll start with pea gravel, and then move on to some kind of pavers, interspersed with herb plantings or ground covers. And then the main seating area we've all been discussing.

Posted by: Attila Girl at 09:53 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Or between food, sex and work. Or between food, sex, work and clean clothes every morning.

Or this: food, sex, work, clean clothes, or potable water?

And there's always: food, sex, work, clean clothes, potable water, or my bitchin' faux surfwagon.

The advanced course: food, sex, work, clean clothes, potable water, my bitchin' faux surfwagon, or a meaningful relationship with a Higher Power. (This is, of course, a trick question: your Higher Power wants you to have lots of goodies. Though perhaps not all at once.)

Posted by: Attila Girl at 01:32 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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1 What? Nancy Pelosi making you feel like you have to choose again? Don't send your money to Washington and make your own choices. . . Btw...Work? Clean clothes? I would give those as much consideration as I would a ringing telephone.

Posted by: Darrell at May 09, 2007 11:42 AM (C99Ct)

2

Posted by: Attila Girl at May 09, 2007 12:56 PM (2WBcM)

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A 2002 Limited Edition in beautiful shape, with a sunroof and those way-cool "faux woody" panels on the sides. The only downside: it's an automatic.

In the end, it came down to this car or a year-old white Scion with a trunk considerably smaller than the one on my friend's old non-hatchback Prius—or, approximately the size of my purse. We went with this car so that, should I need to carry people or objects from one place to another, I will be able to. (The seats fold down, the "trunk" is huge, and the vehicle sports a luggage rack.)

I still have to look up the engine specs, but the pickup on this thing is akin to what I get in my husband's V6, so whatever it is, it's good. (Nope. This info isn't in the owner's manual, which may have been written so that it covers base models as well as the souped-up versions of any particular Cruiser.) I'll hop online tonight, and/or call CarMax tomorrow.

Today our new couch is getting delivered, so I must go rearrange the living room furniture. And then it will be time to get together with a girlfriend for dinner.

Therefore: light blogging, as real-life demands continue to cut into my internet time. No rest for the wicked.

Posted by: Attila Girl at 11:30 AM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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As Darrell predicted, it was "none of the above."

I'm really quite besotted; I may sleep in it tonight.

Anyone care to hazard a guess?

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I found out on Friday night that I truly was expected to show up at yet another fundraiser today, and man the literature booth. And since it fell under the rubric of my paid functions, I felt that I should do it.

So I got through the day, participated on my panel, and billed the organization for the rest of the time I spent on the event. Next year, I'll make sure they make a decision much further in advance about how they want to handle this.

This year, I said some smart-sounding bullshit, sold some literature, and got through the day without either bursting into tears or cussing anyone out.

This is not, by the way, about my being some sort of victim in any sense. It is about my being a complete nut.

There's a difference.

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As far as I'm concerned, the day was a success: I scaled back on my emotional commitment, and got through the entire event without going off on anyone.

B. is concerned that our group didn't appear to make as much money this year as we did last year. I don't know whether that's true, though: when one takes into account the fact that neither he nor I subsidized the event in the way we did last year, I think we did just fine. After all, part of the point of throwing this annual party is to be of service, and show people—especially "creative types"—how to run businesses in a sober fashion.

I. didn't follow through on her commitment to handle the food, so it would have been an utter disaster if I'd counted on her—or if I'd been more than my requisite 15 minutes late. As it was, there were just enough of us to make the event successful. We could have used one more pair of hands (though not the perfectionistic gal with the catering background), yet we pulled it off.

And now I'm blogging and dozing and getting ready to go back to work tomorrow.

Life works better when one follows through, but doesn't over-invest. I've been telling people all about that for several years now, so it's rather delightful to learn how to do it myself.

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Pi.

I only know ten digits, myself.

But I can roll out an amazing crust, and that has to count for something.

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The final frontier.

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In addition to yelling, throwing things, running around shrieking and playing loud, obnoxious video games, it appears they do have other abilities—such as transmitting disease.

Yup: I have a bad sore throat that I appear to have acquired on the cabin trip chateau trip.

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And I work tomorrow, so at some point I need to do laundry and unpack.

But first, I'll take a small vacation to recover from the vacation.

An essay by Ayn Rand, a small nap, and I'll be right as rain.

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I had a huge tantrum the first time I was left at my Mexican baby-sitter's place. I was three years old.

I got used to being there, and learned to love my new environment. But whenever something is slightly unsatisfactory, I like to make that fact known as far and wide as I can.

These people—the ones I'm hanging out with now in the woods—took me in when I didn't have any family to speak of. I am much too casual about this fact. This may be due to having a strong personality. It could also be related to being an asshole, but I don't really want to think about that right now.

Fuck. First my nephews, then my cousins. And now my high-school crowd. Am I done now? Do I have enough family relations taken care of?

I shall go home and live in a cave. And the only person allowed in that cave will be my husband, and him only when it's the right time of month.

But I haven't snapped, or freaked out, or at any point been anything less than a lady.

That part certainly marks a departure from when I was twenty. And from when I was three.

Wish me luck, boys and girls: tomorrow evening, I cook dinner for fourteen. I'll be accepting Weed-O-Grams, if you can arrange 'em.

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It was a good day, today, overall. The dudes did what they could, and the chicks took turns being co-dependent and taking responsibility for the outcomes of Things They Couldn't Possibly Affect.

When Monday morning comes round again I will have enjoyed about as much of this as I can stand.

The fact that these trips used to last for a whole week makes me want to enter a time machine and give myself (at 17, at 23, at 2 a good talking-to.

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I came home and suggested to Attila the Hub that if he's really tired of television he could go to massage school, and that would be a nice new career direction for him.

He didn't even answer me; he just gave me The Look.

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. . . discusses how he decided on brain research over marine biology.

Funny stuff.

He and his girlfriend were living a mile south of me at the time, in a slightly-less-slummy area of Venice, California. He spent all his time fixing up a van he planned to take on a trip around the country. It was a Ford, or maybe a Chevy.

Because this was David rather than someone else, the preparations actually led to a road trip around the country in that same van. He and his girlfriend went into Canada, where he used the subjunctive while conversing in French.

I made them a tape for the trip. It was during my Elvis Costello/Graham Parker phase. One hundred twenty minutes of new wave silliness, with a bit of Joan Armatrading thrown in.

How fun to remember.

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You know the one. This morning, she had an egg, over easy, and bacon. And most of a standard-size waffle.

For dinner, she had two toaster waffles. I'm not kidding.

Is it possible she's slightly addicted to carbohydrates?

Should I shun her?

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First of all, I got up this morning and I noticed that the sun wasn't there. I mean, I know it's around somewhere, because there's some light in the sky, but I just don't see it at all. It's like the light is somehow diffused by some sort of material, but I can't figure out what that might be.

A while later, I looked out the door and there was water! It was in the sky, but also coming out of the sky. Some of it was hitting the street! It's really weird.

Is this permanent? Does anyone know what's happening? It's really scary.

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Good to see you and Ms. Weiss last night. That's why I went to Linguist Guy's digs in the first place: to talk to you two, and to She Who Will Not Practice Law.

But Mr. Linguistics was in fine form.

I'm not sure what the point is of cannabis vodka without any THC in it, but I did discover that if one has enough of it, this deficiency can be counteracted.

Halloween is always such a magical time—even when one celebrates it the previous weekend.

Pax et lux, my friend.

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. . . I went to the second Catholic wedding of my life.

The first one, of course, was my own. I hadn't converted yet, so among the four of us kneeling at the front of the church there was one Catholic: my husband.

Mass took a while, since two-thirds of those attending went for blessings rather than the Eucharist.

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Val is there, too. He and Hog are sharing a joint and I'm reading a magazine in the corner. Eventually I take a blanket off of Hog's bed and curl up in it while I finish the article. They laugh at me.

"I can't help it," I tell them. "It's freezing."

Val looks at me. "Do you know what the freezing point is? he asks.

I look up at him over the tops of my glasses. "As a matter of fact, I do."

What's wrong with everyone's fucking irony meter?

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