. . . with pumpkin pie for breakfast make me loathe to recommend it as a weight loss regimen.

However, my body is just singing with beta carotene, so I've got that going for me.

Posted by: Attila Girl at 01:18 PM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
Post contains 39 words, total size 1 kb.

. . . I realized that a tiny shard of ice in my heart had finally melted, after years. It was a little sliver that I never even admitted to; I didn't have to.

After all, I have words for everything. And the words mean this: I am right, I am right, I am right. Why I write, why I write, why I write.

Posted by: Attila Girl at 11:23 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 74 words, total size 1 kb.

It's going to be a beautiful October night.

Posted by: Attila Girl at 10:24 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
Post contains 16 words, total size 1 kb.

. . . with the Reverend Macktastic Dazzle. We don't discuss evangelical theology much, which is good. He knows I'm gun shy. He respects that.

Instead, I ask, "do you think the Lord ever got drunk?"

"No. Why do you ask?"

"He drank constantly. He had to at least get tipsy."

"Tipsy, I believe. And there's nothing wrong with that."

Posted by: Attila Girl at 10:43 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 64 words, total size 1 kb.

Well now, I knew this girl. It's true she had read
Sophocles in a fairly good translation
And caught that bitter allusion to the sea,
But all the time he was talking she had in mind
The notion of what his whiskers would feel like
On the back of her neck . . . ."

From "The Dover Bitch," by Anthony Hecht—in which Matthew Arnold doesn't really come off all that well if you want to know the truth about it

Posted by: Attila Girl at 09:54 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 93 words, total size 1 kb.

Option 1: I try to have compassion for them.

Option 2: With every action I take, I assert the notion that I'm smarter than they are, and better-looking. That both men and women desire me beyond all belief. That I'm creative, and that my erstwhile blue-collar family has managed to put together a shitload of money.

As I get older, I seem to be able to take the high road more and more. But I don't do it every time.

Posted by: Attila Girl at 06:29 PM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
Post contains 108 words, total size 1 kb.

. . . arrived Thursday.

Okay: so it looks like a miniature hump-backed whale. On a certain level, however, you must admit that there's something charming about a car without a GPS system that nonetheless includes a screeen—through which one controls the AC and the stereo, and gains all kinds of handy-dandy information.

I insisted she get the one with the iPod jack. In case, um, she ever gets an iPod.

Posted by: Attila Girl at 08:47 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
Post contains 77 words, total size 1 kb.

Try not to, um . . . keep your wits about you, okay?

Posted by: Attila Girl at 09:16 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
Post contains 19 words, total size 1 kb.

They weren't nearly as thrilled by it as I had been.

A few of them actually thought some improvements could be made to it.

I'm left with one possible conclusion: MY WRITING GROUP IS TEH SUXXOR!

Time to get with people that appreciate my genius. This is the litmus test: when I read, do people fall down on their knees? If not, I'm taking my manuscript and going home.

I mean it.

Posted by: Attila Girl at 11:04 PM | Comments (9) | Add Comment
Post contains 96 words, total size 1 kb.

Hog asks.

"Two words," I reply. "Johnny Depp."

"I can understand that," he tells me. "He is hot."

"And two more words: Orlando Bloom."

"He doesn't do it for me. All he gets is a sort of mercy hard-on. With Johnny, it's 45 degrees. But not in a gay way, mind you."

"Understood."

Posted by: Attila Girl at 07:09 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 69 words, total size 1 kb.

. . . who's walking around the Promenade in Santa Monica.

Suddenly: "Lord have mercy," he exclaims. "I've got to go."

He calls me ten minutes later. "That must have been fast work," I tell him. "Did you get a phone number?"

"There were three of them. They were just like walking truffles. But I had to go because a colleague of mine called at that moment. He's married, and when I described what I was looking at he accused me of trying to get him in trouble."

"That would imply you were willing to share," I remark.

Posted by: Attila Girl at 07:05 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
Post contains 116 words, total size 1 kb.

I'm starting to think that the world is obsessed with finishing its crime novel. Sure, people talk about other stuff. But what they're really wondering is how many chapters one can spend wrapping up loose ends after the final revelation, without it all becoming tedious, a la that horrible movie AI.

Posted by: Attila Girl at 09:22 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 65 words, total size 1 kb.

The tank top fits perfectly. I put it on when we got back from mass, and I've been wearing it all day. Attila the Hub got a pic, which I'll send you once it's downloaded.

Posted by: Attila Girl at 07:57 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
Post contains 39 words, total size 1 kb.

I tell him I'm working on the manuscript of my crime novel.

"How far along are you?" he asks.

"I have a five-chapter gap. There's just this spot in the middle where I've got 'em outlined a little, but it's very vague. I feel like I've got nothin.'"

"Five out of how many?"

"It looks like 25 at this point."

Pause. My little sister might actually pull this thing off.

"Send it to me when you've finished the draft," he finally says. So I got another beta tester lined up.

Posted by: Attila Girl at 07:54 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 98 words, total size 1 kb.

. . . the young checkers are joking about the middle-aged. I can't help but smile. The clerk with the pierced nose looks up and says, "we couldn't be talking about you; you can't be more than 25 years old."

"Forty-four," I tell him.

"She's lying," he remarks to the boxboy.

"You want to see my ID? It's forty-four today," I respond.

The 50-ish man behind me says, "really? It's my birthday, too."

"July people rawk," I tell him. And I smile.

Posted by: Attila Girl at 07:16 PM | Comments (13) | Add Comment
Post contains 86 words, total size 1 kb.

1 They allow tipping at Ralph's? And pick-up lines? I wonder if Sharon Stone still shops there...:-)

Posted by: Darrell at July 09, 2006 07:39 PM (dDfEG)

2 "July people rawk," I tell him. And I smile #4 Siobhan turned 19 yesterday, #2 Erin (mom o'twins) turns 25 Wednesday. Yep, I'd say it rocks! Happy happy b-day, AG!!

Posted by: Darleen at July 09, 2006 08:18 PM (rvX7J)

3 HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

Posted by: k at July 09, 2006 08:24 PM (wZLWV)

4 Thank you. I know a lot of July people. In high school we were all divisible by three--except for my friend J, whose birthday was the 13th. My half-sister was born on the 25th, a decade or so after I was.

Posted by: Attila Girl at July 09, 2006 08:56 PM (4IuF2)

5 43 on the 21st. July people indeed.

Posted by: Desert Cat at July 09, 2006 09:06 PM (xdX36)

6 Happy Birthday to you. Etc. The gift got lost in the mail. Or was that the check? Hmm. Let me look. I was planning on sending you a dozen cats via FedEx, but somehow they wandered away... Probably in search of a plot for your book.

Posted by: clyde at July 10, 2006 01:09 AM (6m+7s)

7 :p

Posted by: Attila Girl at July 10, 2006 01:24 AM (4IuF2)

8 One question: Exactly WHERE are you located in the United States, since every post I put up is backdated 4 hours. Guam? Hawaii? Tokyo? Just curious. No way am I EVER up at 1:30 AM.

Posted by: clyde at July 10, 2006 04:54 AM (6m+7s)

9 For example, it's 8:54 AM here in North Carolina, not 4:54 like your post says it is.

Posted by: clyde at July 10, 2006 04:55 AM (6m+7s)

10 There should only be a three-hour difference. I'm in California, in the good old, God-fearing Pacific Time Zone.

Posted by: Attila Girl at July 10, 2006 05:22 AM (4IuF2)

11 kmom? July 13. Friday the 13th, it was. First ex-husband: July...26, I think. Babycat: Right around DC's date. It was in 1984. If someone knows how to find the calendar for 1984, it would be on the Monday or Tuesday of that week. I can narrow it down more, I think, with my old college transcript. I was groggy during my Philosophy class, due to my all-night midwifery, and that class was on a Monday or Tuesday. Monday, I think.

Posted by: k at July 10, 2006 08:34 PM (wZLWV)

12 July 1984 S..M..T..W..TH..F..S 1..2..3...4...5...6..7 ...........ETC.......... Ignore those periods--there for placekeeping with LMA's system.

Posted by: Darrell at July 12, 2006 07:54 AM (vSCzm)

13 Thanks Darrell! It looks like my Babycat was born on the 23rd. Two days after DC's b-day. Hm. I may even pull out that transcript and double check.

Posted by: k at July 14, 2006 06:52 PM (wZLWV)

Hide Comments | Add Comment

. . . for me to take."

(I mean that in the good way.)

Posted by: Attila Girl at 08:08 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
Post contains 22 words, total size 1 kb.

"Well," I tell him, "I'm not positive it was a dragonfly. But I knew my mother was wrong, and it was no hummingbird."

"It was a bat," he replies. "I saw it sleeping in the garage."

"Another predator?" I ask. "That rawks."

"It's a nice supplement to the owls."

Posted by: Attila Girl at 11:35 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
Post contains 59 words, total size 1 kb.

1 I didn't like bats until one night in a far off land when I was walking along swatting at mosquitos and a couple of bats swooped down at me (and scared me half to death) - but I noticed that afterwards I wasn't swatting at mosquitos... Now I like bats.

Posted by: Kathy K at July 06, 2006 05:43 PM (SSiS4)

Hide Comments | Add Comment

But I'm turning 44 this coming Sunday; that's a hell of a caliber.

Attila Girl's Wish List

Joy's Wish List

If you really love me, however, you'll buy a Platinum/Gold blogad.

Posted by: Attila Girl at 01:59 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 57 words, total size 1 kb.

'If you're so smart, why aren't you poor?'"

—adapted from 1000 Clowns

Posted by: Attila Girl at 11:13 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
Post contains 34 words, total size 1 kb.

"Do you have anything to eat?" I ask her. "I want salad."

"No problem," she tells me.

"I had a fight with Attila the Hub. Let's hate men for a while."

"I'm not sure I can do that," she responds. "But if I really concentrated, I could probably resent your father for a few minutes."

"Don't. After all, he put some nice semen in you, with cool DNA. And now you have two nice kids. Excuse me: one nice kid, and one repressed workaholic. However, the one who's nice is really nice."

Posted by: Attila Girl at 12:58 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 108 words, total size 1 kb.