. . . from Iowahawk, of course. Burge points out that Iowans are "uniquely qualified" to serve as our "electoral overlords":

Historically, Iowa is neither strongly Republican nor Democrat, conservative nor liberal. It is near the median in state population and in the middle of the country, with an average per-capita income. Iowans speak in flat, unaccented Midwestern English, and avoid conflict and spicy foods. Iowans have a long tradition of political centrism borne of a strong libertarian desire to steer clear of government interference, along with an equally strong desire for federal subsidy checks to help better enjoy the government non-interference.

This heritage of fierce independent passive-aggressive blandness makes Iowa a valuable front line defense against political extremism from the right or left. America can trust Iowa to "weed out" any presidential candidates with non-centrist ideas, or extreme accents like "California surfer dude." Iowa is a swing state, and candidates who want to succeed here must show they are hardcore, balls-to-the-wall moderate swingers.

"How fah is it to Hahvahd Yahd?" A long goddamn way from Cedar Rapids, pal. So start walking.

Posted by: Attila Girl at 07:52 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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