"No, this section is fine," Bridget tells me. "But we need to know more about these people before we find the body."

"I can do that," I reply.

"Um, what do these people do for a living?" Maria pipes up. "I mean, they seem to spend a lot of time drinking coffee and finding corpses."

"Well," I answer, slowly, "I could give them jobs, of course. But that might cut into the time they have for solving crimes."

"If you want them to be independently wealthy, there are ways to accomplish that," Fred points out.

"Hell, no. I don't want them to sustain that kind of damage," I respond. "Fine. I'll get 'em jobs."

These stupid people in writer's group and their un-fucking-reasonable demands . . .

Posted by: Attila Girl at 08:36 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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I announce that I'm working on a new mystery, and I've given myself two months to complete the initial manuscript, so I can spend most of June polishing it.

Everyone is thrilled—and even more so when the hear the first scene, in which our intrepid hero and heroine (sort of) discover the body of the victim.

"Wow. This one really moves along," remarks one of the other writers. "And the people are must less sarcastic with each other than in your other book."

"Well, they're less sarcastic because they are married to each other," I explain. "It isn't in their best interests to draw blood every time they speak. And the story is actually moving along because I decided that there was no time to go for literary merit."

Someone else chimes in: "is there any way that this time you could give them some sort of excuse for solving mysteries? I mean, could they have specialized knowledge of medicine, or be private investigators, or something like that?"

"No," I reply. "They solve murders for the same reason Nora and Nick did it. The same reason Tommy and Tuppence did it. They just do it because it's fun. Either the reader buys in, or he/she doesn't.

"That said, I promise you'll like them. They are very likeable people."

"Great," says our teacher. "Now go home, put these copies away, and don't read our notes just yet. Just keep typing out that first draft."

I suppose I ought to shut down my blog for the next six weeks, but let's see if I can get by without taking that sort of extreme measure.

Naturally, Marvelous Mike starts a list for me of golden-age mysteries set in the non-Los Angeles southwest. He tells me he's going to email it to me later in the week.

"Take your time," I respond. "I'm on a diet right now, anyway, for obvious reasons."

Posted by: Attila Girl at 10:24 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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1 "Well, they're less sarcastic because they are married to each other," I explain. "It isn't in their best interests to draw blood every time they speak..." You didn't tell us your new novel was set in an alternate universe. Besides Phoenix, I mean.

Posted by: Darrell at April 16, 2007 08:36 AM (oLdKY)

2 Less sarcastic doesn't mean they aren't sarcastic at all. Just means I've toned it down from my last book.

Posted by: Attila Girl at April 16, 2007 10:09 AM (f3SX3)

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. . . I'm making my page quota on the "Mystery in Arizona" manuscript.

On the other hand, I'm running around the house in my bathrobe all day and taking lots of naps.

I need to catch up on laundry, answer a few phone calls, and get out to the grocery store. You know: life stuff.

The thing about this project is, it can only help me, even if the ms. is returned unread by the Hillerman Competition. If I've got two manuscripts on hand, I can shop them around more effectively: it'll give me some detachment about the fate of any one given story.

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When in doubt, blame it on the White Mountain Apaches.

My story is shaping up nicely. I'm letting you know because I assume you're almost as obsessed with me as I am.

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One page of outline. One page of typed text. Three pages of handwritten notes.

And so I'm going to bed. There will be more creepy things to write about in the morning.

But I know who was killed. And why. I just haven't decided how.

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If there isn't any salt in it, why do they call it the "Salt River"? It sounds like it's fresh water, and related to the canals in the area. I like that, but I want two different types of water bodies (with different effects on decaying human flesh, of course—sorry to be gross, and all that).

Posted by: Attila Girl at 11:22 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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1 Interesting. I'm actually thinking of chopping my body up, and having different parts decay at different rates. Reader Bob just pointed me to Wickenberg, which has a river that flows underground: I like that. I might put part of the body into the Salt River, and part into this underground river in the mountains.

Posted by: Attila Girl at April 03, 2007 12:25 PM (1tv3E)

2 Well, they call it Salt River because there is salt in it. More accurately dissolved minerals-calcium, magnesium, sodium, sulfate, chloride, and bicarbonate--about 480 mg/L. At tha level you cold taste the "salt". I bet that's the origin of the name! Anything less than 500 mg/L is onsidered safe for most uses--that's about a quarter teaspoon per gallon of water. Your Pacific Ocean, by contrast, is about 35,000 mg/L, If I remember correctly. Know what your mailbox had since Monday?

Posted by: Darrell at April 03, 2007 08:25 PM (U0POy)

3 Ooooh, how annoying! I stopped by, and said I had two packages--he said there was only one there, so I assumed they put two "oversize" notes in there by mistake! I was curious because I had the impression that the Salt River forked off of a freshwater river--wasn't it the mighty Colorado, from which we Californians steal all our H2O? I'll double-check on that. Anyway, I've got my protagonists; just need my method/motive, and it'll be nearly finished

Posted by: Attila Girl at April 03, 2007 09:24 PM (cJnPC)

4 The Colorado flows over the same sort of terrain, under the same brutal sun, so it, too, is "salty". The 480 mg/L for the Salt R. is something I looked up, btw. I can't remember everything! Not even to proofread even though my keyboard is failing and skipping letters occasionally. Unless I give the keys the finger of death. The USPS said noon Monday. If they give you only one, it should be mine! At least in my world. . .

Posted by: Darrell at April 04, 2007 08:47 AM (9iZ9f)

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I'd need to produce 3-5 pages a day.

A the H informs me that he'd be happy to switch our anniversary vacation destination from La Jolla to Arizona. (Sorry, Desert Cat: the timeline doesn't permit me to set the story in Tucson. I have to draw on my existing knowledge base of the Phoenix area in order to get this one done on time. So the main location will be one of the Fenix suburbs. I still want to introduce some small-town color, though, and I'm taking nominations for that. I want an excuse to really get some bitchin' landscape into the plot.

BTW, feel free to tell me what you know about the hydrology of Scottsdale/Phoenix: which bodies of water are natural, and which are man-made? Isn't one of them a salt-water river? Why?)

I think I know who my protagonists are. I just have to whip up a crime, and I'll be practically done.

Gotta go: time for a nap. (Seriously: I need to get my unconscious mind to work, here.)

Posted by: Attila Girl at 10:22 AM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
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1 http://www.arizonan.com/Wickenburg/ There used to be a picture of an antique trailer home with *small* picket-fenced rock garden on this page. -B

Posted by: Bob at April 03, 2007 11:01 AM (CP6tB)

2 I seem to have to much time on my hands today. Okay it wasn't a rock garden, there're actually two trees in the pic. The Way-Back machine isn't always our friend, but today it is, even if your spam filter doesn't like it. http://[way-back-url]/web/20060508082225/http://www.arizonan.com/Wickenburg/ -Bob

Posted by: Bob at April 03, 2007 11:11 AM (CP6tB)

3 You have to have a character complain about the traffic, and the illegal immigrants, and the crystal meth. Uh, don't forget mentioning the pawn shops on every other block.

Posted by: Sean Hackbarth at April 03, 2007 08:14 PM (QJ5cf)

4 Funny--I've been going out there for 15 years or so, and I've never noticed any traffic whatsoever . . . nor any illegal immigrants to speak of. Hm.

Posted by: Attila Girl at April 03, 2007 09:26 PM (cJnPC)

5 Well here's a fun fact: Scottsdale recycles its purified poop-water back into the aquifer and then draws it up to serve its residents as drinking water again.

Posted by: Desert Cat at April 04, 2007 08:57 PM (xdX36)

6 Won't my characters be delighted to discover that? Thanks! Does the water from the CO river and the Salt Water River go through any desalination?

Posted by: Attila Girl at April 04, 2007 09:47 PM (6C0F9)

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I think it's important to point out that Southern California is in the Southwestern United States. Would someone please send a map to the people at St. Martin's Press? (And what do you mean, L.A. isn't underrepresented in the genre?)

Hm. I wonder if I could quickly re-write Ye Olde Mystery so it takes place in Tempe, Arizona rather than Santa Monica, California.

So: "She could feel the sea air over her skin" becomes "she could smell the scent of the cactus as she drifted off to sleep." The problem being that cacti don't have much of a smell.

Or: "She checked for slugs in the grass as she walked across the yard" becomes "she saw a lizard dart over the gravel ahead of her."

Or: "the air got misty" becomes "it rained hard and was freezing cold and why is the weather so extreme in the freaking desert, anyway?"

Easy shmeasy.

Posted by: Attila Girl at 09:06 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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1 Whel, you could always take up residence here for a year and a day. Get a more genuine sense of place and all. But it would have to be Tucson, because Phoenix is just LA East.

Posted by: Desert Cat at April 03, 2007 09:04 PM (xdX36)

2 Hm. If my subplot is in Bisbee, my main plot would have to be in Tucson. Once I win the Hillerman prize, I'll talk A the H into getting us a vacation property somewhere in southern AZ, and that will solve all the problems.

Posted by: Attila Girl at April 03, 2007 09:28 PM (cJnPC)

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