Burge explains the financial crisis, which stems—he claims—from a loan he offered Treacher a while ago to buy an adult video for certain "biological" purposes. Unfortunately, the situation just kept . . . growing and growing. According to Burge. (Treacher's account of the situation differs slightly.)

Apparently, though, if we continue to hit the Iowahawk and Treacher PayPal buttons, we can avoid another Great Depression! Cool!

This afternoon Mr. Treacher and I sent a joint communique to global financial markets and key government central banks, declaring our intention to restructure our debt agreement. We have named our plan the "Save the Global Economy Fund." The terms are somewhat complex for the economic layman, but here are the highlights: I have agreed in principle to write off 50% Mr. Treacher's debt, and he has agreed to a 60/40 split of the proceed from the fundraising portion of the plan.

We have done our part to ease the jittery credit markets, but ultimately the success of our plan depends on the participation of the American consumer. And that's where you come in.

Click on the PayPal button on the left side of this page (Beer Fund) and make a financial sacrifice to me in the name of the "Save the Global Economy Fund."
Next, visit Jim Treacher's site and make a PayPal sacrifice to him. It should be 1/3 smaller than the first, reflecting his greater culpability for the crisis, and our 60/40 thing.

The actual amount of your sacrifice -- $1 million, $100,000, or even $10,000 -- is not important. The critical thing is that the markets see that we are pulling together to sacrifice as Americans to save the future of this country, just like the Greatest Generation of World War II. You can monitor the impact of this campaign by keeping a close eye on the financial markets. Is the Dow up? Great going, America! Let's keep up the good work, and repeat steps 1 and 2 with increasingly larger donations. If the Dow is down, however, this will be your signal that the markets think your donation was insufficient. In this case, you should instead repeat steps 1 and 2, with increasingly larger donations.

I had no idea that it worked that way.

Um. By the way. Darleen Click covered for my margaritas last Saturday night as we ate dinner with Baldilocks, Steve in Huntington Beach, Ace, and Patterico. I would hate to see the economic dominoes start falling just because she failed to exercise her due diligence by reminding herself that I'm an irresponsible flake when it comes to time, money, and all other human endeavors.

Left sidebar. Right between the purple Twitter update box and the picture of George Washington. Thanks. Just fork it over and I'll consider paying Darleen back, thereby averting a global economic crisis.

Posted by: Attila Girl at 01:45 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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