I tell him I'm working on the manuscript of my crime novel.

"How far along are you?" he asks.

"I have a five-chapter gap. There's just this spot in the middle where I've got 'em outlined a little, but it's very vague. I feel like I've got nothin.'"

"Five out of how many?"

"It looks like 25 at this point."

Pause. My little sister might actually pull this thing off.

"Send it to me when you've finished the draft," he finally says. So I got another beta tester lined up.

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. . . the young checkers are joking about the middle-aged. I can't help but smile. The clerk with the pierced nose looks up and says, "we couldn't be talking about you; you can't be more than 25 years old."

"Forty-four," I tell him.

"She's lying," he remarks to the boxboy.

"You want to see my ID? It's forty-four today," I respond.

The 50-ish man behind me says, "really? It's my birthday, too."

"July people rawk," I tell him. And I smile.

Posted by: Attila Girl at 07:16 PM | Comments (13) | Add Comment
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1 They allow tipping at Ralph's? And pick-up lines? I wonder if Sharon Stone still shops there...:-)

Posted by: Darrell at July 09, 2006 07:39 PM (dDfEG)

2 "July people rawk," I tell him. And I smile #4 Siobhan turned 19 yesterday, #2 Erin (mom o'twins) turns 25 Wednesday. Yep, I'd say it rocks! Happy happy b-day, AG!!

Posted by: Darleen at July 09, 2006 08:18 PM (rvX7J)

3 HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

Posted by: k at July 09, 2006 08:24 PM (wZLWV)

4 Thank you. I know a lot of July people. In high school we were all divisible by three--except for my friend J, whose birthday was the 13th. My half-sister was born on the 25th, a decade or so after I was.

Posted by: Attila Girl at July 09, 2006 08:56 PM (4IuF2)

5 43 on the 21st. July people indeed.

Posted by: Desert Cat at July 09, 2006 09:06 PM (xdX36)

6 Happy Birthday to you. Etc. The gift got lost in the mail. Or was that the check? Hmm. Let me look. I was planning on sending you a dozen cats via FedEx, but somehow they wandered away... Probably in search of a plot for your book.

Posted by: clyde at July 10, 2006 01:09 AM (6m+7s)

7 :p

Posted by: Attila Girl at July 10, 2006 01:24 AM (4IuF2)

8 One question: Exactly WHERE are you located in the United States, since every post I put up is backdated 4 hours. Guam? Hawaii? Tokyo? Just curious. No way am I EVER up at 1:30 AM.

Posted by: clyde at July 10, 2006 04:54 AM (6m+7s)

9 For example, it's 8:54 AM here in North Carolina, not 4:54 like your post says it is.

Posted by: clyde at July 10, 2006 04:55 AM (6m+7s)

10 There should only be a three-hour difference. I'm in California, in the good old, God-fearing Pacific Time Zone.

Posted by: Attila Girl at July 10, 2006 05:22 AM (4IuF2)

11 kmom? July 13. Friday the 13th, it was. First ex-husband: July...26, I think. Babycat: Right around DC's date. It was in 1984. If someone knows how to find the calendar for 1984, it would be on the Monday or Tuesday of that week. I can narrow it down more, I think, with my old college transcript. I was groggy during my Philosophy class, due to my all-night midwifery, and that class was on a Monday or Tuesday. Monday, I think.

Posted by: k at July 10, 2006 08:34 PM (wZLWV)

12 July 1984 S..M..T..W..TH..F..S 1..2..3...4...5...6..7 ...........ETC.......... Ignore those periods--there for placekeeping with LMA's system.

Posted by: Darrell at July 12, 2006 07:54 AM (vSCzm)

13 Thanks Darrell! It looks like my Babycat was born on the 23rd. Two days after DC's b-day. Hm. I may even pull out that transcript and double check.

Posted by: k at July 14, 2006 06:52 PM (wZLWV)

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Writing is hard. Really hard.

Posted by: Attila Girl at 06:06 PM | Comments (13) | Add Comment
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1 Editors tell me it is easy. Remember, one day for authors to write, three days for editing and pre-press work. It gets easy once it starts flowing. But you know that! Here's hoping the dam breaks... Sure, there are an infinite number of roads, so just pick one and start writing as fast as you can. You can always revise it later. Who knows? You might create some memorable moments that can be used in the second draft or another project. Good Luck!

Posted by: Darrell at July 08, 2006 08:18 PM (bhhVN)

2 Oh, and HAPPY BIRTHDAY, birthday girl! Can't wait until your clock chimes--Mass tomorrow and 7 AM comes before I'm ready everytime... Health, happiness, and lots of easy writing in the coming year!

Posted by: Darrell at July 08, 2006 08:33 PM (bhhVN)

3 Actually, what I'm doing now is revising my earlier chapters to conform with the current plot. But it's slow going, and some whole new scenes have to be created. Ugh. On the other hand, I'm starting to think this draft ain't half bad. I just went downstairs to tell A. the H. that I'm one of the best writers in the whole world.

Posted by: Attila Girl at July 08, 2006 08:33 PM (4IuF2)

4 No kidding it's hard. Especially when you think you have something really good to say. I don't know why we torture ourselves when we could play video games.

Posted by: Sean Hackbarth at July 08, 2006 08:56 PM (RiZPJ)

5 "Writing is easy: all you have to do is stare at a blank page and concetrate until blood oozes from your forhead." Unknown

Posted by: Chuck at July 08, 2006 09:58 PM (R/J3m)

6 Just remember every word you're going to write has already been written at least once in the dictionary. It's just a matter of putting them in the right order.

Posted by: clyde at July 09, 2006 04:06 AM (6m+7s)

7 It's just a matter of putting them in the right order. Can I smack Clyde now?? ;-)

Posted by: Darleen at July 09, 2006 11:40 AM (rvX7J)

8 Hey, I know whereof I speak. It took TWELVE revisions to get my book to the point the publisher would print it and put it in stores. Lots of moving words around to get the order right. Of course, by that time, I was sick of the whole thing and never wanted to see it again. Just send me the check. Which, FINALLY, is due in September. I plan to buy a new bathmat, maybe a shower curtain.

Posted by: clyde at July 09, 2006 12:21 PM (6m+7s)

9 I have gobs of words. Unfortunately, for what I'm doing I need more than words, characters, and dialogue. I need Actual Plot. And I need physical clues. And I need people to be surprised at the end.

Posted by: Attila Girl at July 09, 2006 02:21 PM (4IuF2)

10 You're in luck. I am owner and sole employee of the rarely-used PlotsRus, Inc., member FDIC on alternate Thursdays. Below-average plots (the kind seen on Beverly Hills 91210) are 75 cents, decent ones, $1.10, better ones $2.36, and really, really, really good ones $1,200,304. Plus tax. Those, when combined with the appropriate movie stars, directors and advertising and production budgets, usually make people millionaires. Unfortunately, there's no market for these in Hollywood these days, so yesterday I shredded them all and hung up the "gone fishing" sign. I plan to take the rest of the epoch off.

Posted by: clyde at July 09, 2006 02:51 PM (6m+7s)

11 Make the killer a character that was just mentioned incidentally in Chapter 1--"The letter carrier said "Good Afternoon, Miss" as he passed on his way to the Sander's Craftsman bungalow." That passes for clever on PBS. The clue was that the letter carrier was pleasant. And enunciated clearly.

Posted by: Darrell at July 09, 2006 07:33 PM (dDfEG)

12 Right, Clyde. I know this won't get made. I just want it published--preferably in hardcover. Thanks, Darrell. But I think I can do a bit better than that

Posted by: Attila Girl at July 09, 2006 08:00 PM (4IuF2)

13 NEVER say never. NEVER. I didn't, and after nearly 100 rejections from agents and publishers, I got my first book published. In hardcover. By a real publisher that pays royalties. Everyone you're going to be dealing with has an opinion, and few count. Most can only say NO, while few can say YES, for they haven't the authority. Or the taste or common sense to see something original that hasn't been done before. Like I said before, if agents knew what good writing was, they would be writers. Everyone can be a critic. That's the easy job. Writing something to criticize is a little harder. Keep at it, and let me know when it's in the stores and I will peruse the covers.

Posted by: clyde at July 10, 2006 01:13 AM (6m+7s)

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. . . that something is unacceptable, try to figure out why it is that you have such trouble accepting it.

I had a boyfriend who loved to use that word: everything I did, everything in the relationship, was unacceptable. Or, as he put it, "unacCEPtable."

Finally, Professor Fractal began to do impressions of him saying, "that's unacCEPtable. Our problems are insurMOUNTable. All the postulates I've been using up to this point are inapPLICable."

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What constitutes art? How central is craft in true art?

And, whose work do you dig the most: 1) the old masters, 2) the impressionists, 3) Picasso/Kandinsky et al.?

Should art support linear thought or complement it?

Should it be representational, or abstract?

Should it delight the eye, or get one to think?

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1 I never understood what made something art. I think it's just anything made with the purpose of pleasing the eye. If it makes you think or feel, that just makes it 'good' art. I am a painter, though admittedly somewhat ameteur. Here's my latest, "Vineyard Mornings". It's reminiscent of Renoir, but as you can see I'm still not very good at paining clouds

Posted by: Kevin at July 07, 2006 12:33 PM (++0ve)

2 Oops! I linked to a funny Greg Gutfield post on Global Warming by mistake. Here's my painting. (jokes are less funny if you blow the timing, huh)

Posted by: Kevin at July 07, 2006 12:36 PM (++0ve)

3 Well, why cannot a painting delight the eye and set one to thinking? Personally, I've always felt that artists who were able to draw a horse before going in for abstraction had much better provisioned careers. Having said that, Attila Girl, please do go over and submit your "rapity-rape" poem to the post at Ace's place regarding another PW troll. Jeff's site has been down due to DoS, probably incited by the strange creature who threatened Satchel in the comments. Best, Dan

Posted by: Dan Collins at July 07, 2006 03:36 PM (SDhNB)

4 I think art should convey feelings. We look at something for an impression and a feeling. Too often I see art being used as commentary or political retoric. Sometimes I see what is aluded to as art which I am sure is artistic humor as they run to the bank. (Urinals as art) One thing we will not know for sure is what is really art today. Because true art withstands the detriment of time. It will still be art 100 years from now. So when you look at art think, in a 100 years which do you think will be in a museum.

Posted by: Jack at July 07, 2006 07:58 PM (XUJmE)

5 I like classical architecture, sculpture, frescos, mosaics and decorative arts. I like medieval gothic painting and sculpture and the same in Renaissance art. I appreciate neoclassical and romantic paintings from the 19th and early 20th Centuries and think mid-20th Century American painters like Grant Wood and Edward Hopper are great. Obviously I like physically recognizable subjects in art -- people, places, and things -- with allegorical or pensive themes. Art that pleases me most is that which opens my mind to reflections on the significance of human activity, self-perception of one's place in society, and difficult emotions such as loss, loneliness, alienation, and the occasional human triumph. Surrealist painters like Dali and Rene Magritte, who distort and manipulate conventional images to stimulate reflection and emotion, are also high on my list. On the other hand, I just don't get artists like Jackson Pollock and Alexander Calder. I'm more the balding old guy in Norman Rockwell's "Abstract & Concrete," who is looking at an abstract painting with an unknowable reaction, than I am what the old man is looking at. Hey, the colors are nice and aesthetically pleasing (sometimes) but WTF is the artist "trying to say?" So color me confused and unappreciative of most modern art, and if that makes me a Philistine or troglodyte, so be it.

Posted by: Redhand at July 07, 2006 10:41 PM (7G9b2)

6 There really are no "shoulds" in art. I believe this to be true no matter the form. We who are artists at heart leave the "shoulds" to the critics, then ignore them from a distance while we continue to pursue whatever definition of "art" strikes our fancies. The only "should" I would even consider would be that no one "should" be forced to endure municipal art that costs taxpayers tens or hundreds of thousands of dollars for the express purpose of making your municipality a laughing stock. Those responsible "should" spend the rest of their natural lives locked in the hoosegow.

Posted by: Woody at July 08, 2006 01:15 AM (e9FIN)

7 It should delight the mind and the eye.

Posted by: Sissy Willis at July 08, 2006 02:57 PM (FU1id)

8 Well, said, Sissy. Dan, I can't remember the "rapity rape" poem, except that I was making fun of people who assumed Darleen and I (and all Jeff's commenters) were self-hating women.

Posted by: Attila Girl at July 08, 2006 03:53 PM (4IuF2)

9 "Art. Isn't that a man's name?" A. Warhol

Posted by: Gregor Samsa Mendel at July 08, 2006 05:39 PM (Vw1om)

10 Sissy's post reminds me of another quote on art...just can't place it Paraphrase Art should be uplifting (enlightening?) otherwise, what's it for? Interestingly, Puffington Host just had an article about how it is so NATURAL that only liberals are creative and produce "art." sheesh

Posted by: Darleen at July 09, 2006 11:18 AM (rvX7J)

11 Also, they are the only intelligent people. At least, that's what they've been telling me.

Posted by: Attila Girl at July 09, 2006 02:24 PM (4IuF2)

12 Here. This is art. REAL art. http://myunclepepeksjournal.blogspot.com/

Posted by: k at July 09, 2006 04:40 PM (wZLWV)

13 I thought this would make a great meme- so I'm going to use your questions ( with linkback) and answer them. Great post!

Posted by: ilona at July 12, 2006 03:46 PM (nWCog)

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. . . from Little Miss Attila:

Get your zen koans right here!

A monk asked Kegon, "How does an enligthtened one return to the ordinary world?" Kegon replied, "A broken mirror never reflects again; fallen flowers never go back to the old branches."

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. . . for me to take."

(I mean that in the good way.)

Posted by: Attila Girl at 08:08 AM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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. . . to be angry when people die?

Death makes me positively livid at times. Am I the only person other than Edna St. Vincent Millay to have this reaction?

Posted by: Attila Girl at 01:53 PM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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Maybe his husband could keep him from making a fool of himself. Maybe.

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. . . has become as meaningless as the words "feminist," "sexist," and "conservative."

We are all Humpty Dumpty now, talking past each other in a sort of linguistic masturbation.

Via Insty.

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"Well," I tell him, "I'm not positive it was a dragonfly. But I knew my mother was wrong, and it was no hummingbird."

"It was a bat," he replies. "I saw it sleeping in the garage."

"Another predator?" I ask. "That rawks."

"It's a nice supplement to the owls."

Posted by: Attila Girl at 11:35 AM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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1 I didn't like bats until one night in a far off land when I was walking along swatting at mosquitos and a couple of bats swooped down at me (and scared me half to death) - but I noticed that afterwards I wasn't swatting at mosquitos... Now I like bats.

Posted by: Kathy K at July 06, 2006 05:43 PM (SSiS4)

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. . . to Viola Elder.

What isn't said is that she was able to handle with grace the death of one son after his drug problem killed him. As I understand it, there's nothing tougher for a parent than to bury a child. I interviewed her once; she and her husband sat in front of me at the Liberty Film Festival last October, so I introduced myself and spoke with her briefly.

What a woman. What a blessing she was.

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The sky is falling!

Posted by: Attila Girl at 09:00 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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1 I'm going to have to disagree with you here Ms. the Honey. Gay marriage is in it self nothing to be concerned about. Calling them 'married' is. It will change the meaning of the word, and not in a good way. Don't believe me? Try wearing a rainbow pin the next time you go out, and see what people think of it. Or, how 'bout we go out and have a gay old time? They should be able to join together in a union just like us, but it's not the same thing, so they should call it something else (don't care what).

Posted by: Kevin at July 05, 2006 03:14 PM (++0ve)

2 But should the difference between a "marriage" and a "civil union" be codified by the state? The state should treat us all equally--therefore, the only thing it is really qualified to proclaim is a civil union.

Posted by: Attila Girl at July 05, 2006 06:09 PM (4IuF2)

3 The state is treating us all equally right now. A gay man has just as much right to marry a woman as I do. What we are talking about is adding a right for men to marry other men. When creating this new right, there is no reason we have to give it a name that is already taken (like marriage). Unless you consider it identical, which I don't. On the other hand, changing the legal term for all marriages to civil unions seems fair enough if it is important to try to gloss over the differences between heterosexual and homosexual coupling. But living in California, you know that most homosexuals try very hard to not be the same as straight people. I would have thought that giving their unions a special name would be desirable by them, if the legal implications were the same. (This would all be the same if you switched out 'men' and 'women' and lesbian for gay man, but I was trying to save typing )

Posted by: Kevin at July 05, 2006 07:30 PM (++0ve)

4 The state already codifies us, and does NOT treat us all equally (see: affirmative action, set-asides, illegal immigrants paying few if any taxes vs legal citizens forced to pay taxes, money buying the best justice possible, tenure granted-not granted due to political stance at state-and-federal funded colleges and universities, etc). There are more instances if you really think about it. Equality is in the eye of the beholder, more than in actuality.

Posted by: clyde at July 06, 2006 06:24 AM (6m+7s)

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. . . I wanted to see a war movie. We've seen The American Revolution too recently, and our copy of Band of Brothers is, of all things, on VHS—and totally shredded at this point. Unwatchable.

So we saw Saving Private Ryan. It's a tough one.

It certainly put my problems in perspective, though.

Posted by: Attila Girl at 08:56 PM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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1 For my money, "Band of Brothers" is the best war movie ever made. "All Quiet on the Western Front" is a great one too (the original with Lou Ayres, not the remake). "Saving Private Ryan" is good, some parts of it excellent. Another one you might have missed is "Enemy at the Gates", starring Ed Harris as a German sniper. The opening scenes, including the ones of the Russian troops being forced into the breach at Stalingrad without rifles, are as good in many ways as the opening of "Private Ryan". If you haven't seen it, check it out. Women were snipers in the Russian Army, for what it's worth, and some were worth quite a lot. A woman sniper was the best in the Red Army, killing over 350 Germans by herself in World War II. Wonder if she could cook?

Posted by: clyde at July 05, 2006 02:45 AM (6m+7s)

2 Thanks for the recommendations. I do suspect, from my limited experience, that Band of Brothers is the very best, but it may not be fair to compare it with feature-length movies--because of the time limitations they are subject to. I like to watch it over and over because that's how I get to know the men; each time, a new dimension into their character opens up.

Posted by: Attila Girl at July 05, 2006 03:46 AM (4IuF2)

3 Keep one thing in mind when you watch Band of Brothers (which is also a book)-late author Steven Ambrose was a confirmed plagiarist. The same as supposedly-hot historian Doris Kearns Goodwin. Something about "neglecting to detail their sources..."

Posted by: clyde at July 05, 2006 04:05 AM (6m+7s)

4 It's a cold-war movie rather than a typical hot-war movie, but I strongly recommend "K-19," which happens on a Russian nuclear submarine and is based on a real series of events.

Posted by: David Foster at July 05, 2006 06:56 AM (/Z304)

5 I know, Clyde--but given that this project was made with the cooperation of the guys from the 101st, and had Captain Dale Dye as an advisor, I doubt any inaccuracies crept into the mini-series (excuse me: HBO Event) itself, despite Ambrose's sloppiness.

Posted by: Attila Girl at July 05, 2006 10:19 AM (4IuF2)

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. . . has a nice mini-roundup on those cute little North Korean missiles: "Ready, Aim, Fizz."

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. . . there's a great discussion going over at Goldstein's place.

He's been talking to his own patriotism, much in the way W.B. Yeats held discussions between his self and his soul. (Although Yeats didn't get harangued for drinking Mexican beer in his underwear, if I recall correctly.)

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Everyone wants to see the fireworks from the ridge near our house that overlooks the Rose Bowl. I've gone out there a few times on the 4th: you can see all the displays across the San Gabriel Valley, eight or nine of 'em. Kinda cool.

So, as usual, everyone's parked in front of our house and they are all yammering at each other as they walk up the street to jockey for position.

I may walk up there after it starts. Though I am the one does the grilling around here, so I did get a pyromania fix today.

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. . . is running Little Debbie's image. On the Fourth of July, no less. How very sad.

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. . . has a nice tribute up for the Fourth of July; I can do no better, so here you go.

Enjoy your gardenburgers, hamburgers, kabobs, pasta salad, pork loin, edamame, watermelon, strawberry shortcake, and homemade granita.

But especially—enjoy living here, with our bill-of-rights glamour: "We've got a groovy thing, goin', Baby; got a groovy thing."

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. . . Lieberman, that is. The idea isn't without merit, ya know.

Via InstaDirtyOldMan.

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