cautions us about the supposed harmlessness of forced conversions.

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. . . on the role of sex in marriage. Too conservative for my taste. Yet there are some kernels of truth in it.

Of course, every time I read one of these essays I get the impression that the author enjoys great sex with his or her spouse, and imagines that all couples would be in the same situation if they would only stop being silly. Once you've had a few girlfriends cry on your shoulder because things are awful and always have been, the issue doesn't look quite that simple.

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1 Bah. If things are awful and always have been, why did you get married in the first place? Regardless, work to fix it, or give up and get out if that's your style. Whining about it is counter-productive.

Posted by: Kevin at September 06, 2006 08:47 AM (++0ve)

2 Saw a study somewhere that showed most women lose interest in sex with their husbands after about 3 years. They were either attracted to other men or more often just not interested at all. For men the interest level stayed the same. This wasn't my personal experience but does seem to be common. If that's the way things are then maybe people aren't set up for easily having happy exclusive sexual relationships like the writer seems to think.

Posted by: anon at September 06, 2006 11:32 AM (SpkYG)

3 Seems a bit harsh, Kevin...wouldn't it be normal for a person to agonize and to talk with friends before making a major life decision like "getting out"?"

Posted by: david foster at September 06, 2006 03:57 PM (/Z304)

4 I guess you're right David. It wasn't the 'things are awful' part that bothered me. It was the 'and always have been' part. She should have been agonizing and talking it over with friends before starting the relationship if things started out awful.

Posted by: Kevin at September 07, 2006 03:50 AM (++0ve)

5 Difficult, because somehow we've gotten to a "she" that seems to be a composite of a few of my female friends--whose circumstances are different from each other's. 1) Kevin, is sex everything in a relationship? Is there no chance that a relationship has worth even if the sex is sub-par? 2) Within the reasoning of the Evangelical Outpost essay, how would one know ahead of time about a sexual incompatibility? One would, until widowhood, only know one person sexually, and he/she would potentially bring a low level of sexual skill into the relationship. Mightn't this be a problem?

Posted by: Attila Girl at September 07, 2006 10:59 AM (LEEsJ)

6 My issue is with airy-fairy religious people who assume that if everyone has good intentions, the sex thing will magically work itself out. I just don't see that happening in the real world, and some of these people appear to be "coaching from some pretty comfortable sidelines." Hey. Just pick up the violin. If you're right with God and you love your spouse, you'll be able to play Vivaldi without any guidance whatsoever. How hard can it be? Love will conquer all.

Posted by: Attila Girl at September 07, 2006 11:02 AM (LEEsJ)

7 "1) Kevin, is sex everything in a relationship? Is there no chance that a relationship has worth even if the sex is sub-par?" I would not call it 'everything', but I would say it's a necessary ingredient, and the relationship is not workable without it. Much like the relationship would be unworkable with great sex, but you find your spouse uninteresting, or pursuing opposite goals than yours. Since your girlfriends were crying on your shoulder about it, I assume they agree with me on this. Being able to read between the lines (very often incorrectly), I'd say they considered this in the beginning of the relationship, and went ahead with it anyway for some other reason (money? security? lonely? money? love? money?). And... now they are whining to you about it. It just doesn't seem fair On your second point, I guess if you never had sex with someone else, you wouldn't know it's bad (if it is)? I doubt it comes up much though, since virgin marriages is more honoured in the breach than the observance.

Posted by: Kevin at September 09, 2006 11:33 PM (++0ve)

8 Kevin, you are a cynical man when it comes to women. Buy me a steak dinner and drinks one night, and I'll explain to you exactly why we aren't the greedy, grasping golddiggers you perceive us to be.

Posted by: Attila Girl at September 09, 2006 11:59 PM (LEEsJ)

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But I can't decide between crochet and smack.

Thoughts?

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. . . that contains more male voters than it does actual men.

Please pray for genuine democracy in Yemen. Or agitate. Or send good vibes.

There are a lot of people suffering there right now.

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Boston writer Michael Blanding, or the founders of the "pro-gun" American Hunters and Shooters Association itself?

Cam Edwards tries to sort it out.

Via Insty, who's getting mail from genuine grassroots activists who bitterly resent these "Astroturf" groups—and with good reason.

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. . . when the blogosphere gang-rapes the United States Senate. Fortunately, it was the pro-Pork Senators' own fault: they were dressed like crew sluts, from what I hear.

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Apparently, teaching at the college level rulz.

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We saw the movie today. I believe Oliver Stone may have tripped and accidentally made a pro-American film.

It was well-done. At least, parts of it I were: I have a phobia about entombment, so while Attila the Hub watched the movie, I watched his shoulder. He was wearing the green Hawaiian shirt with the white flowers. Good choice, well-crafted. Durable weave.

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. . . is for someone to tell me that my book is so bad, I should just give up on it and spend the rest of my days eating those little frozen Trader Joe's appetizers. You know: the ones that are like tiny little savory tarts.

None of my bulletin boards are active right now.

I shall have to resort to productive activity. And there aren't any little tarts in the house. (Oh, shut up! You know how I meant it.)

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. . . into his bitch.

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Reverend Kevin—really, "Mr. Kevin," since he's teaching school again—has now been installed into his mobile home.

A victim of gender stereotyping, I ended up putting a lot of the food, dishes, and pots and pans away in his kitchen, only moving a few of the smaller pieces of actual furniture.

Between all the different Christian groups there, it could have been a bit theologically eclectic. Perhaps I should have started a food fight over sola scriptura or some such.

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Attila the Hub got miffed, and quite rightly.

I hate being in the wrong.

Finally, I went into the family room. He looked up and gave me that "I'm not ready to be friends yet" look.

"Listen," I told him. "I just came down to see if I could kiss your ass."

"Then you should have brought snacks," he replied.

So I went back to the kitchen and got him snacks.

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. . . to wade back into the crime novel. But I don't know whether it sucks tonight. Sometimes it does, sometimes it doesn't.

Sometimes I write a chapter or scene that's so amazing, the universe nearly hums along to the breathlessly perfect melody of the prose. Then I read it aloud in one of my criticism groups. By then someone's gone into the Word file to add cliches, bad dialogue, and typographical errors.

So it all comes down to this question: Do I feel lucky?

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1 I know how you feel...Somebody always does the same with my witty comments! Good luck with your writing!

Posted by: Darrell at September 01, 2006 08:37 PM (+EHSL)

2 this sounds like what happened to me at rehearsal tonight. the pianist wasn't there and the cd player was giving the director fits. usually, i sight read pretty well. but tonight the notes coming out of the piano did NOT sound like what i was trying to play. it was weird.

Posted by: maggie katzen at September 01, 2006 11:57 PM (wIQcY)

3 Damn. Sounds like your novel is going to have thirty-eleven authors, all listed alphabetically I hope. Royalties paid the same way. Remember, a camel is a horse created by committee. Other than that, I have no opinion. Well, maybe one question: if your "group" is so into participating in the writing of your book, how many have actually been published? If none, consider the source of their commentary.

Posted by: clyde at September 02, 2006 04:53 AM (6m+7s)

4 Thanks for your kind words, but I'm a perfectionist, so writing a first draft is bound to be painful for me. And I did do something experimental this week, and was acutely aware that it wasn't completely successful. Or, like Edison figuring out the light bulb, I've "identified what doesn't work." Better way to look at it, I guess

Posted by: Attila Girl at September 02, 2006 06:25 AM (LEEsJ)

5 I sometimes cringe at phrases I've written but keep writing on so as not to get bogged down, I know what I meant and I can come back and tinker when it's time to re-write. I think the greatest danger to the novel we're all eager to read is the distraction perfectionism can create. I've recruited a couple of beta readers myself but I find I'm more productive the less I think in terms of what they'd like. Remember this is all rehearsal, opening night is when you put it in the box and send it off. Best of Luck!

Posted by: Colin MacDougall at September 02, 2006 09:05 AM (+z5C9)

6 Better than Edison, be like Michaelangelo. He carved the statue of David by cutting away anything that didn't look like him.

Posted by: clyde at September 03, 2006 04:29 AM (6m+7s)

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I've heard of drunk-blogging.

But I'd never seen them combined so artfully before.

I'M A CITIZEN JOURNALIST, AND I WANT PUSSY PIE!

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