Figure out how I'm going to wrap up that subplot about the potential mobsters. Chop chop!

Posted by: Attila Girl at 10:58 PM | Comments (7) | Add Comment
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I decided I was sort-of mad at my husband today, so I played Elvis Costello really loud and puttered around the house and almost-ignored Attila the Hub. I did everything, in short, that I could do to be hostile without sacrificing my plausible deniability. He just shut the door to his office, and ignored me right back.
Finally he came upstairs. I was cool as a cucumber. He made a funny joke.
"I see what you're trying to do," I told him. "And it isn't going to work."
"No?" he asked.
I kissed him really hard right then.
"Boy," he remarked. "Have I learned my lesson."

Posted by: Attila Girl at 10:56 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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one Ghetto Fabulous J. Wicked.

"What's pro bono work?" I ask him. "I mean, is that when you do stuff for free, or is it when you spend your billable hours listening to U2?"

"Pro bono" he responds, "is when lawyers spend time doing something even more socially corrosive than what they do for money."

Posted by: Attila Girl at 02:21 PM | Comments (5) | Add Comment
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but I am one.

E.g.,

what lies behind the inability of the average human male to wipe down kitchen counters? Is it related to the inability of the average human male to stock a refrigerator adequately?

Posted by: Attila Girl at 02:02 PM | Comments (11) | Add Comment
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1 Is it related to the inability of the average human male to stock a refrigerator adequately? I object! My reefer is well stocked with several tasty selections from Samuel Adams, thankyouverymuch. Oh, wait...this is one of those define "adequately", isn't it?

Posted by: I R A Darth Aggie at October 24, 2006 02:48 PM (1hM1d)

2 Well, one is tempted to point out that most people--and some males--prefer that a refrigerator contain Actual Food.

Posted by: Attila Girl at October 24, 2006 03:35 PM (LEEsJ)

3 But pretzels don't need to be refrigerated.

Posted by: the Pirate at October 24, 2006 08:08 PM (MifjL)

4 Biology is destiny. Which is to say at least a sizeable minority of men would starve without a female presence in their life. Aand...they would have to move to a different cave every six months or so to escape the vermin.

Posted by: Desert Cat at October 24, 2006 08:16 PM (xdX36)

5 I always knew I wasn't average...TYVM!

Posted by: Darrell at October 24, 2006 09:53 PM (h4rVQ)

6 You're welcome, Darrell. I take it you are one of those rare creatures: a civilized male.

Posted by: Attila Girl at October 24, 2006 10:31 PM (LEEsJ)

7 Desert Cat: vermin is good eating. You didn't know that poor cavekeeping was actually a survival strategy, did ya? bring the prey to you, that's what I'm talking about! LMA: hey, I've got some fruit juice in my reefer, too. Gotta have something to mix the vodka and rum with. The fine Kentucky bourbon whisky is not in the reefer, however.

Posted by: I R A Darth Aggie at October 25, 2006 04:54 AM (1hM1d)

8 It's a matter of what you did when you were growing up. I always thought as a kid that adults were supposed to know how to do everything. It also helped being forced to do everything, I now see in retrospect. We never had any "outsiders" come in to do any project around the house. My dad was a tool and die maker who did everything from major electrical work to auto repair to general household repairs--painting and carpentry, etc. My mom took care of all the rest and had my brother and I helping from the time we could run a vacuum cleaner. Our dad encouraged doing things ourselves. In fact, his general method of teaching was to act like we should already know what we are doing. Even if it was rebuilding the power mower engine at age 8. His only rule was to know how to use tools properly and respect the thousands that we had. He could always "undo" anything we did improperly though, even messing with the TV set. It also helped having family members that didn't fit into normal gender roles for skills. We had male bakers and restaurant chefs and most of the females had worked in factories during the war. I didn't know that everyone else wasn't reared the same until I was on my own. By the way, it doesn't give a male an advantage with women to do all these things well. Most women resent it. Especially when you are dating a woman with kids who ask you to cook. Or sew on a button. Smart women, of course, know they can get guys to do anything with effusive praise and kind words of encouragement. I know that makes us sound like the family dog, but somehow it always works. Some guys pretend not to be able to do things just so they can avoid doing them. Often women contribute to the problem by jumping on men, screaming that they are doing things wrong, until they never touch another cleaning rag or washing machine again. I dated a women in the 80's who was six feet tall and model beautiful(also a chemical engineer, lawyer, and new MBA)who had an obsession/compulsion with bathroom cleanliness. After I would finish with the bleach and other cleaning solutions, she would always re-do what I had already done. In this case, I didn't mind. She would remove all her clothes and scrub everything with a small brush and a Lysol solution on hands and knees. Afterward, she would pop in the shower, starting a vicious cycle! She would never tell me where this ritual came from, and frankly, it didn't matter. I am thinking about what you said about a woman's sexual organs being relatively hidden and it doesn't apply one bit in this case...Thanks for making me remember!

Posted by: Darrell at October 25, 2006 09:53 AM (UjNor)

9 Darrel, you speak truth. I was perfectly competent with the laundry machines in college. But somehow now I don't know what I'm doing. I throw in a load, she comes behind me to check on how I set the machine. Women, he speaks the truth. With good food, sex, and genuine, effusive praise you can make us do literally anything. If any of the above three are lacking, you've got a hard sell on your hands, and are probably ultimately destined to fail. IRADA, but who's going to gut and prepare the dang things? Atilla, women don't *really* want "civilized males" do they? I thought that was part of our appeal. Otherwise we're just a girlfriend with a penis.

Posted by: Desert Cat at October 25, 2006 05:59 PM (xdX36)

10 Probably depends on the girl, huh? I like 'em civilized, myself. In certain ways, anyway. Of course, that means they also have to put up with my wearing dirty smelly gardening clothes on every lucky day I can get that way. Although I can't remember if any one ever, one time, washed those smelly gardening clothes for me. Hmmmm. Must remember to quiz Walter. I know he's washed other laundry for me. He knows exactly how I want it, because he asked and learned. Of course, when you have all sorts of allergy issues, that makes a big difference. I used to wash his stuff too. And asked him how he preferred it washed and folded. He was the one who taught me this neat way to fold t-shirts like they do in stores. I could never figure it out before. The only one I didn't do was because I was just too sick - it was some way of folding his jeans or something I simply couldn't manage very well. He washes all his own clothes, these days. When he comes home. It makes up for every single one of the very, very many smelly laundry loads I've washed for guys. I love the hell out of him for it. And tell him so. Especially when I offer to do some for him and he adamantly refuses to let me. Because he's civilized. Even though, here and there, he still leaves socks on the floor sometimes.

Posted by: k at October 26, 2006 01:14 PM (lCUKc)

11 Oh! BUT! He does NOT wipe down the kitchen counters. He did once recently. Oh, yes, the effusive praise came out! Many smiley happy warm fuzzies for that good man!

Posted by: k at October 26, 2006 01:16 PM (lCUKc)

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It's so different to read the gospels as an adult—and to take them seriously as biographies. I know I have friends who think Jesus was an unbalanced rabbi with charisma, but when I look at his maturity, and his willingness to die with dignity at the age of 33, it's difficult to look at the man's life and not be convinced that he was exactly what he said he was.

Jesus Christ the man was a major stud. A total badass. If he was not—is not—God, he was also completely insane, of course.

Posted by: Attila Girl at 01:16 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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It isn't as funny as the Madeleine Albright ad, but it's pretty good.

Very few people discuss how disproportionately high taxes penalize creative people, who often have very high earnings one year, and very low earnings the next.

Posted by: Attila Girl at 12:16 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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I'm at 172 pages right now. The battery in my Mac is threatening to overheat. (What do I do if that happens? Add water?)

It's looking like the first draft will weigh in at close to 200 pages. Hard to predict how long the finished product will be. I figure shorter is always better; it isn't like I can't buff out the areas that need it. I could see it going to 250 pages, but who knows? Certainly no longer than 300. It's just a little mystery.

The idea is that I "park" the manuscript during November. I can still do research, but I can't mess with the text; I need to see it with fresh eyes.

Posted by: Attila Girl at 03:03 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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Beginning November 6th in the Los Angeles area. A friend of mine is available from that time onward. She has references, and loves to take care of cats. She specializes in long-term assignments (e.g., a month or more).

Let me know if you know someone who needs this service.

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. . . I went to the second Catholic wedding of my life.

The first one, of course, was my own. I hadn't converted yet, so among the four of us kneeling at the front of the church there was one Catholic: my husband.

Mass took a while, since two-thirds of those attending went for blessings rather than the Eucharist.

Posted by: Attila Girl at 02:22 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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As you get older, are you getting smarter—or just more stupid?

On the one hand, I feel like I've tumbled to a few of life's tricks over the years. Despite my best efforts, I've acquired some wisdom. But at the same time I catch my mind falling into pattern after pattern, and I know I'm setting up barriers for myself. Everything I see is filtered through my own experience, and my confidence in my rightness may in fact make me more and more blind.

Is this inevitable as we age? Do we really get more hip and more idiotic simultaneously as time goes on? Discuss.

Posted by: Attila Girl at 10:34 PM | Comments (7) | Add Comment
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1 Experience=wisdom. We can play the odds only when we know the odds. The risk-taker in us will decide when to go against the grain. Me? Stupider. See?

Posted by: Darrell at October 22, 2006 06:28 AM (z5oXf)

2 It's not us. It is the younger folks getting dumber

Posted by: William Teach at October 22, 2006 11:00 AM (doAuV)

3 It's simple. As we get older, we become more actutely aware of how stupid we were when we were younger. The left is an exception to this. Their pride does not let them admit that the ideals of their youthful days were nothing more than self-centered wishful thinking.

Posted by: John at October 22, 2006 11:25 AM (6N676)

4 As I get older, I get more stupid...or I'm smart enough to now realize that I'm stupid. Maybe it's an early form of alzheimers.

Posted by: Shawn at October 22, 2006 01:01 PM (621cV)

5 I've become an expert on what doesn't work. I suspect that passes for wisdom among some folks, but I suspect there's more to it. -Bob

Posted by: Bob at October 22, 2006 04:46 PM (jZ67n)

6 Wisdom Realising that you have hit your thumb with the hammer before. Isanity Doing exactly the same thing with the hammer and hitting your thumb again.

Posted by: Jack at October 22, 2006 06:00 PM (LLrd7)

7 Both.

Posted by: k at October 22, 2006 09:38 PM (ESTJx)

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Mrs. Norman Lear is frightened. She and Gore Vidal would like the servants to riot, should the GOP hold the House next month.

Via everyone, but I saw it at Glenn's digs first.

Posted by: Attila Girl at 10:20 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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And then this rough beast will be ready to be printed out for review by my husband.

I'm exhausted, though: we spent all afternoon/evening at a wedding, and I'm making omelets tomorrow for my mother and for Attila the Hub. (Or am I making omelettes? Editorial types may want to weigh in, here.)

Does someone else want to add that stupid interview with the guy who killed the model? Or that stupid clue about the bookmark? This whole thing isn't going to work: I should just admit it. What was I thinking?

Posted by: Attila Girl at 09:58 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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He tells me it's one of "dozens"—

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DJT5Sqd1lQQ

At least this way a person can figure out which one is Pink . . .

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So today is the end of it: the newsletter is out, and the office is running almost-smoothly. The Board Meeting is at 9:00 a.m. on the Westside, and then we have a general meeting at 11:00 that goes on until 12:30. I plan to escape at 1:00 sharp, when the office closes, and that will be that. Off to a wedding I go, and the nonprofit can survive for a few days without me.

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This includes: ransacking the surface of a church elder's desk with the swipe of an arm; throwing chairs; slapping female parishioners; knocking over a rack that held religious booklets, sending hundreds of tiny Chick tracts fluttering onto the floor; stalking behavior ("staking out" the homes of people who left his church); breaking pulpits; striking male parishioners; shattering the glass in a framed document during a sermon, so the shards of glass landed in the first few rows of the assembly; abusive language; spitting water from the pulpit.

Good work, Bob.

Posted by: Attila Girl at 12:57 PM | Comments (8) | Add Comment
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Which addiction is worse? On the one hand, at least blogging forces some interaction with the world at large.

On the other hand, serious gamers aren't foisting the results of their vices onto unsuspecting web surfers.

I think all those people should get help. Like, now.

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Let's take a vote: double-edged, or single-edged? I was going to go double, but I may stick with single. I wish the different types of wounds weren't so distinct from one another.

Fucking forensic scientists. They've ruined everything.

Posted by: Attila Girl at 08:51 PM | Comments (8) | Add Comment
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Val is there, too. He and Hog are sharing a joint and I'm reading a magazine in the corner. Eventually I take a blanket off of Hog's bed and curl up in it while I finish the article. They laugh at me.

"I can't help it," I tell them. "It's freezing."

Val looks at me. "Do you know what the freezing point is? he asks.

I look up at him over the tops of my glasses. "As a matter of fact, I do."

What's wrong with everyone's fucking irony meter?

Posted by: Attila Girl at 08:47 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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I need to research knives: kitchen knives, daggers, and the use of knives in magic tricks.

I also need to disconnect the phone system in an office building—preferably only on one floor.

This is my first big crime, and I need it to be . . . well, perfect.

Posted by: Attila Girl at 07:53 PM | Comments (8) | Add Comment
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1 If you have questions on edged weapons, I can help you. I have experience with many different types. What can I do for you?

Posted by: Lictor at October 20, 2006 07:23 AM (jDWYv)

2 Phone system--find the utility closet on each floor. Or--work at the local phone central office(local exchange site where the PBX-switching equipment resides). Remember people carry cell phone these days--hard to keep anyone incommunicado.

Posted by: Darrell at October 20, 2006 09:01 AM (V4KWO)

3 Make that "harder" to keep... You can jam their cell service locally--like some theatres are doing.

Posted by: Darrell at October 20, 2006 09:04 AM (V4KWO)

4 D: I just need to buy a few minutes; I'm putting her Motorola in her purse, which is in her own office. She's working in a colleague's office. All I need is to keep her from using his office phone--or the computer. I may simply put the computer behind her, and place the perp between her and the phone. It's so quick for a person to dial 911; I need to explain why she isn't doing that, instead of leaving the dying clues that mystery writers want victims to leave.

Posted by: Attila Girl at October 20, 2006 11:29 AM (LEEsJ)

5 Assuming you don't have prior access to that office, a simple way of tying up a phone is to place a call to that number. He can taunt her by pressing the dial button on his cell when she spots the phone. The computer won't be any use to her...especially if it's a PC. Ever try to summon quick help via emal? Have the co-worker sign out before leaving the office(he must have porn on his computer).

Posted by: Darrell at October 20, 2006 08:19 PM (tsGz/)

6 His cell? An untraceable throw-away, of course... If the killer is a "she"...change all those pronouns to "her"...

Posted by: Darrell at October 20, 2006 09:31 PM (tsGz/)

7 You aren't hoping for a good catfight--are you?

Posted by: Attila Girl at October 21, 2006 09:42 PM (LEEsJ)

8 Always! Either naked or in Catholic school uniforms...

Posted by: Darrell at October 22, 2006 06:10 AM (z5oXf)

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he asks, "why don't you spend that same amount of time reading the classics in your genre?"

Because I don't want to read the classics. I want to be a classic. And the only way to do that is to face the truth about my shortcomings; the sooner, the better. Emulating the "greats" works slowly, and I have a finite amount of time.

Sure, some of what gets said is silly, and I disregard that. I only listen to what works for me.

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