Tonight was the first memorial for Roger Borden; the second will be held in Texas, so he can be buried next to the son he lost to drugs and alcohol years ago.

I made myself look at him, though he was difficult to recognize. It wasn't just the baldness: his face was thin and gaunt. He'd obviously lost a lot of weight from the chemo. And Roger was a bit vain about his looks, so that must have been especially painful. I do know he showed up at a few AA meetings after he lost his hair, but I'm not sure they saw the full destruction I witnessed today.

As another friend remarked, it made it easier to let go in a way: because that was clearly not Roger in the coffin. The guy we know had left the premises.

What a good guy. What a talented, brilliant man. He touched so many people's lives, and left the world a better place than he found it.

The minister who gave the service mentioned the idea that we would all eventually be summed up in one of these cards they hand out with a photo, some dates, and a quotation of some sort. These cards that tell us so very little. She suggested that in Roger's case, perhaps the card should have been shaped like a little black book. (No. I don't know how many ex-girlfriends of his were at the service, and since I sport a wedding band he never hit on me. But I sat next to one of his lady friends during the service.)

I do feel better. It's nice to laugh about it. It's nice to hope everyone's right about the existence of an afterlife—a heaven where Roger can get everyone together to record CDs and set up websites and have business meetings, as he did in DA.

This is serious. Life is serious. I'd best remember that, and do my best to follow his example: laugh a lot, commit to projects, follow through, and treat people well.

Posted by: Attila Girl at 11:10 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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