Laurence Simon discusses the various ways the Fourth of July is celebrated around the world, by disparate peoples united only in their ambivalence about . . . us. Little old us. The tone is ironic, the format is alphabetical, and the Ukraine finally gets some damned recognition:

Ukranians still set their sights on America. The land of the free, the home of the brave, and the target zone for nuclear destruction. The remaining Soviet missiles they own rarely waver from their original settings, and for a few hundred thousand they'd be happy to sell one of them to you.

"You want fireworks?" offer the Ukranians. "We'll give you fireworks."

Pour a drink—a stiff one—and read the whole thing.

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