. . . on the system in my Mac. The idea is, it announces the time every hour on the hour, so you have an awareness of time as it goes by.

After all, Attila the Hub uses it. So it must be good. His announces the time in a Lurch voice.

I try for something softer. I think perhaps a female voice is a good idea. No. But the whole concept doesn't work for me: when the computer tells me it's thus-and-such time, I get furious and defensive. I think it's accusing me of being a slacker. I find myself asking it who wanted to know?—and, what the fuck are you doing that's so freaking productive?

I explain to it that I work hard, and don't appreciate its nagging.

So what I'd like to know is what can be done about my computer's personality disorders. I like it, but I just feel it needs . . . well, Prozac. How do I do that? Can I just sprinkle it into the CD drive or something?

I mean, it's a good computer. I just think it might be time for an intervention, and an SSRI.

I want to help.

Posted by: Attila Girl at 11:27 PM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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1 Stick with yelling at AM radio. At least there's a human source to that sound.

Posted by: Sean Hackbarth at March 05, 2006 03:47 PM (JAozc)

2

Posted by: Attila Girl at March 05, 2006 06:21 PM (s96U4)

3 I can picture you screaming "SHUT UP!" whenever the grandfather clock chimed. I can guess where the SSRIs should go... But a good reader always addresses his writer's needs. How about if the ann (it doesn't want to take this word)unciator says "It's 2 o'clock PM...Not that I mean anything by it...I'm just saying..." Or "It's 2 o'clock PM...Whatever!" Does that take the edge off it? Or, if you had a massaging chair with a fire-wire or Bluetooth interface, she can ask if if you need a neck rub. Or a back massage. Ask you if you have been working hard and if you need a break. Maybe start playing a few tunes...Close the drapes and lower the lights...Maybe dial up Sam's Liquors and order up a bottle of Tanqueray 10 and Schweppes Tonic (and a fresh lime) for immediate delivery so that unctuous mouth feel is only minutes away... Would that be more to your liking? Huh? Switch on the foot massager, please, it appears to be offline.

Posted by: Darrell at March 05, 2006 10:18 PM (DKPYg)

4 The answer is, yes: "It's midnight; shall I fetch you a G&T?" might well be an acceptable formulation . . . Of course, that might be months in the future.

Posted by: Attila Girl at March 05, 2006 10:56 PM (s96U4)

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