I'm still formulating my Ultimate Theory on Jack the Ripper. But in the meantime, I thought I'd suggest some suspects who are every bit as plausible as a couple of these people.

I'm going to start with Eva Gabor, who is a creative person and should therefore be acquainted with the dark side of human nature. Granted, she lived in a different time than ol' Leather Apron did, but I feel certain that just by hopping into her time machine she could have fixed that.

And isn't it convenient that she died before I got interested in the Ripper case, thereby depriving me of the opportunity to interview her as a Ripper candidate? That's too much coincidence, even for me.

I'm afraid Ripperologists all over the world will have to admit that I've shaken things right down to their foundations, here. Just look at it:

1) Eva Gabor probably knew where her uterus was, and I'm sure she could have found such a thing on another woman;

2) She doesn't look strong, but she's wiry. That can be deceptive.

3) If she can't make it into the time/space rocket ship to kill any particular whore, all she needs to do is have one of her sisters stand in for her and take care of it that night.

4) She was able to get these women alone by discussing shopping with them. And:

5) When she walked away from the crime scenes she did it in 20th century clothes, so witnesses wouldn't be willing to admit having glimpsed anyone in such an outlandish getup.

So there you go. When do I get my hundreds of thousands of dollars? A check's okay, if it isn't from out-of-state.

Posted by: Attila at 01:55 AM | Comments (6) | Add Comment
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