1) Move to Nevada—preferably just outside Clark County, which has the virtue of a "shall issue" approach to carry permits, but the vice of handgun registration. (Why does the state want to know how many sidearms I have? What if I need several, because it takes me a while to get around to cleaning one after I've shot it? Or because it's important to me that my "defensive device" match my outfit? Do they make me register every scarf I own? No—they do not.)

2) Do not wear your MBT sandals for shooting. Just because you can adapt and drive in the "rocking shoes" does not mean that they will provide the optimal shooting platform.

And remember those times you went to the indoor range wearing high heels, so you could make sure you were able to defend yourself in business attire? The same philosophy does not extend to a long-stocked 12-gauge over/under, a .454 Casull, an Uzi, or a .50-caliber anti-vehicle rifle.

3) When the stock is too long on the 12-gauge, resist the temptation to forego placing it snugly against your shoulder, putting the stock slightly behind your underarm, unless you want that increased accuracy on a single shell at the cost of cutting your thumb. (And not in that spot in the web of your hand where you still sport very faint "gun nut" callouses.)

4) Before inviting yourself and your spouse to live in your new friends' future desert compound in Utah or wherever (in exchange for helping them to build a road to the property in question), remember to call your husband and check in with him first. Husbands prefer to know about this before you've sealed the deal and started drawing up plans for how far apart the different households' structures will be, how the solar panels will be set up, where the well will be dug, how the defensive perimeter be maintained, and what the patrol rotation will consist of within the various households in the village.

5) Next time, tell your brothers/sisters and arms that, yes—they should go ahead and bring the explosives. It is, after all, the only way to be sure.

6) Shorts are never ideal when you plan on lying prone in the dust to shoot a .50 with a tripod, and never mind that you forgot your jeans on this trip.

Posted by: Attila Girl at 11:38 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
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