1 I am the spam queen, the spam queen, the spam queen! I have a sexy site, because I'm the spam queen!

2 C'mon, Hillary! Have some self-respect! You're losing to Obama, but there's no need to resort to that! Yet.

3 Ha ha ha! I'm gonna die laughing!

4 Oh, I am a silly spammer; please go to my sexy website. Spam spam spam spam spam spam spam.

5 Oh, I'm going to give you 1/4 of a penny, Hillary, because you are so very, very, silly! Hope it helps with your master plan.

6 It's all part of my master spam-plan. (Actually, it's a mistress spam-plan, but I so hate that word.)

7 The Chicago media said there was so much love for Rev. Wright last night at the support rally that it couldn't have come from hate. Guess those millions seen in those old newsreels of Hitler's rallies must have been there to catch the Zahl-Fünf--Bus to Tauentzienstrasse. MSP works, Hillary. And it gives you some wiggle room for those master/mistress variances. After all, we must target our audiences. Happy spamming, silly girl!

8 [Nodding, nodding.] So you were thinking it would be interesting to vote for a Democrat, huh? How long has it been, you silly boy? That long? [Conspiratorially] No one needs to know, Dear. That's the beauty of the polling booth. Did you know that girls whose legs are large often have very flat tummies? I have pictures, silly man. Call me, you beast.

9 We've all been lured to the dark side, I'm sad to say. I did vote for that peanut guy you ran in 1976. I thought, "How bad can an engineer be?" until I learned the answer. Who knew he couldn't delegate? What kind of putz tries to make EVERY decision on his own? Even going so far as to set the price for admission to National Parks. Or decide on the number of helicopters needed for a particular military operation. He did manage to stock the State Department, the judiciary, and all government agencies with all those good Democratic aparachiks, though. And I didn't even know how many of those jobs would open up during his term due to retirements! But you know all about that! They came up again during your terms in the White House, didn't they? If only the people knew! If only we had a media to tell them! Yes, that media that turned on you after the pledged their immortal souls. Ungrateful buggers! Now even Mo Dowd is nipping at your full, firm ankles! You should take her into your secret room for a few days serious attitude adjustment. The place where her screams would only reach your ears and the quivers of every muscle in her body could only be recorded by your brain cells. No pictures there! I'll click your links, silly, silly, Queen of Spam! And I'll even help you fulfill your destiny to rule with an iron fist. Barack Obama? Silly, ungrateful man. Like he didn't know that it was your turn to shine! Glad you pointed out that he had POTUS ambitions since he was five years old! Silly pretender! You were BORN to rule! Can't silly people in this country see the difference? If you could only take them all into your secret room . . . Call? I'll scream. But only if you allow it, Mistress, of course.